I'm tired.
I'm tired of being overweight and I'm finally ready to do something about it. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but for once in my life I feel like I have things in order for me to succeed. I can't be like this anymore, and the more I realize it, the more I have the desire to change.
I guess part of the problem is that I've always been comfortable with myself. I have always hid behind my weight; the reason I only have a few close friends, the reason I'm not social, the reason I...blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of making excuses for myself. I am 22, and I have my whole life ahead of me, and I feel like I've wasted a significant chunk of it feeling sorry for myself. It's time to change. It's time to get my butt in gear, and do something with my life. I am attractive. I am worthy. I am going to make boys take a second glance when I pass by. Don't get me wrong: As much as I am looking forward the boys in the world having a good time getting to know the new me, I am not doing this for them. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for my future family, my future, my life...
No more Weight Watchers, no more starving myself, no more cravings, no more second helpings, no more deprivation, no more guilt, no more depression, no more 'I can't's. I'm attacking this thing from the inside out. I've never done this before, and that makes it all the more motivating.
Step one: Recognize I'm doing this for myself.
Seems simple, but nothing has ever been harder. It's taken me 22 years to figure this step out. I've always dieted for the wrong reasons. Yeah, I've had success, but then it ends. It ends, and everything goes back the way it was, but worse. This isn't going to happen. I will NOT let this happen. My life depends on this journey, and if the journey ends, so does my life. My dad died two years ago due to health problems that I believe could have been lessened if he had been able to lose weight. I think about him everyday, and wish that he could be here with me. He was taken from our family unexpectedly and too soon. I will not let this happen to me. I already have health problems associated with my weight, and I cannot let this continue. I'm doing this for myself, and I'm doing this for my dad.
Step two: It's all mental
I went and talked to my bishop a few weeks ago about the desire to start this journey. I came to him for counsel to help me figure out where I needed to start. The first thing he mentioned was counseling, and I believe he was inspired from Heavenly Father. This is exactly what I need. I'm starting from the inside out, and what better way to do that then to meet with a counselor. I'm looking forward to starting this in the next few weeks.
The biggest challenge I am going to be facing is support. Support from my family and support from my friends. I am asking all who have taken the time to read this for help. As much as I would like to do this by myself, I can't. This is where I have messed up in the past. I need, first and foremost, the help of Heavenly Father. He and I have had many conversations, and I have knelt many hours in prayer over this in the past few months. I recognize that I can't do this without Him. I know He's on my side, and because of this, I cannot fail. He's the only constant in my life, and what better person to have on your side, then you best friend. After the help of Heavenly Father, I am asking for the help of my friends and family. You have the power to change people's lives, to motivate and inspire, to bring happiness to those who are troubled, to bear one another's burdens, and to be a shining beacon when a loved one is lost in the darkness of despair. I need the help of people like this If I am to succeed. I ask, humbly, for the help that you can give me. If you're not sure how to help, think of yourself in my situation, and try to figure out what would help you.
Lastly, if there is anyone out there reading this that needs my help with their journey, I pray that you will ask. We can't change ourselves alone. I am available to help you out with anything that you need. Don't hesitate to ask.
I'm ready. Are you?
P.S. The song on this video describes how this journey is going to be. I've finally realized my dreams, and no one can take them away from me.
"Ride Of Your Life" by John Gregory
12 comments:
I've never read such an inspiring blog. I too have had many problems that Heavenly Father has stepped right in and helped me and I know he will be there for you. I could tell on the cruise that you were such a different person and you went out of your way to be friendly to everyone. We all need to get to know the real you. Anytime I've had problems I also go to the family because with that many people praying for me I know there will be results. I only hope I can give you the support you need and not be a dork. I sometimes say all the wrong things but if I do just know that in my heart I love you and will try to do my best. Way to go girl.
You go girl!!! You are awesome! I'm here for ya. You have inspired me. I love the new year. For some reason it makes you want to start fresh and new, and nothing is going to get in your way!!! Love ya!
I am SO here for you, cuz! I thoroughly enjoyed our library chat on the cruise. I learned so much about you that night and on the cruise I gained admiration and affection for the funny, bright, capable, spiritual girl that you are. I will begin thinking of ways to lend my support...hmmm can I have your email and snail mail address? WIll you email me at 6colemans@att.net Like I told you in the library, I think you have taken the first step in the right direction with the counseling. It may seem overwhelming but remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step!! I believe in you!!!
HOW WONDERFUL that you have a blog too my incredible cousin!! I am totally here for you but I gotta admit, YOU have totally inspired ME instead of the other way around! I know we don't know each other a whole lot, but now we will! And I will pray for you every day. You GO GIRL! I totally believe in you!
What an amazing blog. Did you write that up when Jill and I left you in the airport alone and you had about 4 hours of waiting before you could actually get into the airport? Jill and I really enjoyed getting to know the new and very much improved Malena. I say new and improved because I never really knew you before. In the past you were the cousin who was always quiet and lurking in the shadows of the conversations at family get gatherings. My thought is you have already changed a lot on the inside and I wish you well in your quest to change the outside. Sign up for a local 5k race a few months from now.
Okay, how am I the last one to get your blog address? I was really excited to be one of the first (besides my mom) to post but it looks like I was beat to the punch! It takes a lot of guts to open up like you have on your blog and I think that will be beneficial for you in your quest! Not being afraid to confront your weaknesses and allowing people to help you. The counseling will really help you figure out what the root of everything stems from because it's not typically just about food. I know that you can do this! If you ever need anyone to talk to/vent to/cry to/yell at feel free to give me a call! (801-808-4600). It really was fun seeing you on the cruise and getting to know you better! You are an amazing person and are a great example to the whole family!
WOW! You're wonderful and I'm so proud of you. I'm right there along with you, and we can lean on each other for support. I started a private blog dealing with this in my life, so email me and I'll invite you to the blog. We can do it together! DOn't listen to the negative, that's what I say. Shut any negativity out of your life (that includes people who provide that damning influence). Counseling is a very wonderful outlet. Use it to its full benefit. You're wonderful and deserving and soooo headed in the right direction. Love you, cousin.
I am totally gealous I didn't get to go on this cruize. It sounds like the whole family really bonded. Anyway I think that it is awesome that you are so open with such personal information. I think not only will it help you, but it helps all of us get to know you better and know and understand what you are going through. Trust me you are not alone. I will look forward to reading more on your blog.
Malena, I can not believe the maturity and love coming from your blog. I am so proud of you! I have told everyone how glad I am
that you went on the cruise - and you loved it just as much as I knew
you would! I am so glad that you saw our family as the GREAT family that they are! And Malena, I am so proud of your desire to turn your life around, and for recognizing hard things can be changed with the help of Heavenly Father. He loves you more than you can - at this
point - imagine. And you're right; He is the one "constant" in your life, and He will never leave you, Malena!!! We leave Him, but He will always forgive - ALWAYS! The
trick is to learn to forgive yourself. We all love you! I will
do anything, and everything, I can to help you in this journey.
Now, , , go do the right thing! (JK - that's Dr. Laura's advice.)
You know my number. Love, Mom
Hi Malena! I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get to your blog- I've been kinda out of commision- I got so sick after I got home, and then my computer got a virus too, I guess it was having empathy for me:) Hey, I absolutely loved getting to know you on the cruise! I am SO glad you went! I am here 100% for you and your journey, I am going to be right there with you, trying to do the same thing! Good luck! You're on the right track! love ya girl!
Malena~ nothing I can say could ever tell you how much you're blog touched me! I'm sorry to hear about your dad but I know that he'll be rooting you on the whole way just as much as your Heavenly Father will!!! Thanks for including me and treating me like family on the cruise and also for allowing me to take pictures of you. It was fun getting to know you and Reva! You really are a beautiful person with a fantabulous personality! I enjoyed reading your blogs. Everytime I start missing the cruise, I'll just read your blogs and relive the whole experience! You're a very inspirational person! There are things in my life I want to change but lack the discipline. I plan on gaining more insight and motivation from your blogs. You're welcome to view mine as well although they may not be as motivating.(I play around a lot!) www.erikabassett@blogspot.com Thanks again! You can do it!
Oh honey....Okay, seriously...can we be friends!!!???? Your post brought me to tears and all I'm thinking right now is "why don't I hang out with Malena?" Really, you are so inspiring and I want to jump through my computer screen and hug you. You are brave and vulnerable and I love every bit of you. Thank you for sharing whats scary. You make me want to love and live deeper. Please email me so we can be the cousins that hang out. Seriously. Right now.
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