Only you could fill the void I feel inside right now. Why did you have to go so early? 4 years ago I didn't know what I was missing. Why do I now feel remorse for words left unsaid. I never told you I Love You. I hope you know I do. When I'm down, I want my dad. After I moved out I used to avoid calling home because I was afraid you'd answer, and I didn't really want to talk to you. Now it makes me sick to think of how selfish I was. What I would give to be able to call home and have you answer. What I would give to take back the time I yelled that I hated you for not giving me something I wanted. You gave it to me anyway, because that's what dad's do. Did I ever say thank you?
Mom told me a few months ago that I was a daddy's girl when I was a child. I bet you were so proud of that. Would you be proud of me now, despite all the mistakes I've made? You loved mom at her best and her worst. I hope I can find a man like you, but I know I can't. You're greater than any man I know.
Every time I pass that exit in Flagstaff where Julia called to tell me you had passed on, I ache a little more. I kick myself every day for not leaving on November 25th. I stayed home because I wanted to sleep so I could be ready for the drive the next day. How selfish I was, again. I didn't make it in time to see your last day.
I remember a phone call from you, it might have been the last time I talked to you on the phone. You told me you were sitting in as a witness in the baptismal font of the temple, and you looked up and saw me sitting on the front row of the pews, watching you. You said you knew it wasn't me physically, but I was there with you in spirit. I guess in a way I did see you right before you died.
I hope you watch over me from up in heaven. It doesn't fill the void, but I like to think you know me and are proud of me. Watch over mom, too. I think we both need you now more than ever.
I love my dad, I hope I see you again someday.
Love,
Malena
