Dear Dad

Only you could fill the void I feel inside right now. Why did you have to go so early? 4 years ago I didn't know what I was missing. Why do I now feel remorse for words left unsaid. I never told you I Love You. I hope you know I do. When I'm down, I want my dad. After I moved out I used to avoid calling home because I was afraid you'd answer, and I didn't really want to talk to you. Now it makes me sick to think of how selfish I was. What I would give to be able to call home and have you answer. What I would give to take back the time I yelled that I hated you for not giving me something I wanted. You gave it to me anyway, because that's what dad's do. Did I ever say thank you?

Mom told me a few months ago that I was a daddy's girl when I was a child. I bet you were so proud of that. Would you be proud of me now, despite all the mistakes I've made? You loved mom at her best and her worst. I hope I can find a man like you, but I know I can't. You're greater than any man I know.

Every time I pass that exit in Flagstaff where Julia called to tell me you had passed on, I ache a little more. I kick myself every day for not leaving on November 25th. I stayed home because I wanted to sleep so I could be ready for the drive the next day. How selfish I was, again. I didn't make it in time to see your last day.

I remember a phone call from you, it might have been the last time I talked to you on the phone. You told me you were sitting in as a witness in the baptismal font of the temple, and you looked up and saw me sitting on the front row of the pews, watching you. You said you knew it wasn't me physically, but I was there with you in spirit. I guess in a way I did see you right before you died.

I hope you watch over me from up in heaven. It doesn't fill the void, but I like to think you know me and are proud of me. Watch over mom, too. I think we both need you now more than ever.

I love my dad, I hope I see you again someday.

Love,
Malena

Hidden Blessings

God blessed me with an idiot filter.

I used to think my weight and looks were a downfall, but thanks to the kindness of an old friend, I realized something today...Heavenly Father has just been protecting me!

Let's pretend for a few minutes that I weigh 120 pounds. Most guys would be instantly drawn to me, I'd fit the attraction they are addicted to. I know we all have our own opinions on attraction, but the fact is that people are drawn to those that fit certain physical criteria.

Back to reality: I DON'T weigh 120 pounds, I have everything else going for me but THAT. If someone isn't attracted to me because of that one simple flaw, then they just lost out on an amazing opportunity. Sure, I'm not going to be a match for just anyone, but that's my point.

Heavenly Father has saved me from a lot of heartache. My idiot filter has weeded out those guys who aren't going to love me for ME. I don't have to put up with those that are shallow, liars, and thieves. The guy I end up with someday will be one lucky man, and I'll know he's for me because he will have made it through the filter. I know I'm an amazing person, and I know what I want in life. I'm in no hurry, divine courses are not to be rushed.

For all those of you out there who feel discouraged or worthless, remember that God has a plan for you, and who knows...maybe you have your own filter :)

Here he is!

Meet Jared

It began at the beginning of Febuary. I'd been hanging around an online chatroom for a few weeks, mainly out of boredom...living alone does that to you. I'd talked to some interesting and pretty weird people on there. Jared joined the chatroom, and because of his screename I automatically assumed he was female, but to my surprise, he turned out to be a guy ;) He hung around for a while, and eventually we started talking in private, emailing, and as things progressed we exchanged phone numbers. What an awkward first phone conversation! I was sooo nervous.

About a month later there was talk of possibly meeting. We decided he was going to fly out here for a while so he could see how he likes Arizona, and see what happens between us. Long story short, he bought his ticket, booked his hotel, and before we knew it, he was on his way! What a roller coaster ride it has been to get to that point...

I picked him up from the airport on Sunday morning, May 31. I couldn't hardly stand still while I was watching the people shuffle out of the terminal. I kept thinking I saw him, but as the person got closer, I realized it wasn't him. I looked down at my cell phone to see if he'd texted and when I looked back up, there he was! He was standing in front of me with a big grin on his face. We both said hi and I gave him a big hug. I don't think I'll ever forget that meeting!

We had a lot of fun during the 6 days he was here. He came to church with me, we had friends over for dinner, we went to Holbrook to my old roommates ranch and went horseback riding, and we went spent some time in Sedona. One of his favorite things to do here was go to the old drive-in movie theater we still have in town, and when he found out we have Little Ceasar's Pizza here, he vowed to live here someday.

I didn't like that horse so much...

He's a natural!!

Chilling out in Holbrook...he's buff! :)

Us hiking in beautiful Sedona!

Jared's 29, he's was born and raised in Boston, and currently lives in Salem, NH. We don't know where things are going, but for now it's fun to have a new friend. We get along perfectly and have current and future endeavors in common. We'll see what happens! :)

Help

I'm hurting and I don't know how to make myself feel better. I'm trying to get over a guy, but it's not something I've had to ever do before. I've been a basket case all week, and knowing you've all most likely been through it before, I figure I could enlist some help. A phone call, a visit, some advice, someone please answer my prayer.

Let's make the most of this beautiful day, since we're together I might as well say...

As many of you have already witnessed on Facebook, I've been having some more neighbor problems...I suppose "problems" is an understatement, as I have had to call the police on him 4 times in the last 2 weeks. He is INSANE. That blog I wrote "Adventures in Homeownership, Part 1" was only the beginning...here's the story.

His name is Jim Sterkenberg. He's a middle-aged, single, chronically pissy man. I smile at him in passing in the parking lot, and all I get back is a scowl. I say hello when I see him outside, and somehow I become invisible. He's given me more problems than I ever thought one person could, and I have absolutely come to my wits end.

I could use pages and pages of words to tell all the stories of what this coward has done to make my life miserable, but I'll just let this video sum it all up. Listen to it, and I'll explain what it is.



From 10pm on Tuesday night to 6am on Wednesday morning, this pounding is ALL I heard. His unit is directly above me, and what he would do is go to every room and take something like a broom and pound on the floor a few times. He'd stop for a few minute and then go make the rounds to each room again. By 12:45 (right after this video was shot) I called the cops the first time. Throughout the night I called the cops 2 more times. I had to miss half a day at work because of this idiot, I didn't get even 20 minutes of sleep that night. At the end of the video you can hear water running loudly, this is my neighbors shower. When he has it on, I can hear it clear as day. He turned his shower on at 8:30pm on Tuesday and had it on alllllll the way until 7am on Wednesday.

"Won't you be, please won't you be my neighbor?"