I've debated for weeks about what to say here. One word says it best about what I feel inside: Numb. Despite the fact that I feel sad, alone, distraught, angry, and empty, I really, truly feel nothing inside. I'm not in healing mode, I'm just try to survive. Putting one foot in front of the other is next to impossible when your heart hurts too much to move.

I would like to give a sincere thank you to everyone who has helped me and my family get through this immensely difficult time. If it wasn't for the love and support of those around me, I most definitely wouldn't be making it through. Words can do so much, but it's those who put their words into action that make me truly feel loved.

Goin' campin'!

It's ward campout time! I won't be blogging tomorrow. No internet---ahhh! I can't wait!

See you again Saturday :)

A little motivation for my sis :)

Motivation. That word is a curse word in my dictionary. I don't know how to define it, find it, hold on to it, and I sure as heck don't know how to spread it around. Those brief times in my life that I feel close to it, I find it ripped from my routine never to be found again for years. It's a harsh reality, and more than likely will be a life-long battle to even be able to say it outloud.

In an attempt to assist Katee, I've found a few things which will hopefully help her in her own journey.

An article by Marvin J. Ashton covered all different kinds of challenges, from physical addictions to mental obstacles. He says it best here.

2 Nephi 1:23: Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust.

It's easy to fight when everything's right,
And you're
mad with the thrill and the glory;
It's easy to cheer when victory's near,
And wallow in fields that are gory.
It's a different song when
everything's wrong.
When you're feeling infernally mortal;
When it's ten
against one, and hope there is none,
Buck up, little soldier, and chortle:

Carry on! Carry on!
There isn't much punch in your blow.
You're
glaring and staring and hitting out blind;
You're muddy and bloody, but
never mind.
Carry on! Carry on!
You haven't the ghost of a show.
It's looking like death, but while you've a breath,
Carry on, my son!
Carry on!

And so in the strife of the battle of life
It's easy to
fight when you're winning;
It's easy to slave, and starve and be brave,
When the dawn of success is beginning.
But the man who can meet despair
and defeat
With a cheer, there's a man of God's choosing;
The man who
can fight to Heaven's own height
Is the man who can fight when he's losing.

Carry on! Carry on!
Things never were looming so black.
But show
that you haven't a cowardly streak,
And though you're unlucky you never are
weak.
Carry on! Carry on!
Brace up for another attack.
It's looking
like hell, but - you never can tell;
Carry on, old man! Carry on!

There are some who drift out in the deserts of doubt,
And some who
in brutishness wallow;
There are others, I know, who in piety go
Because
of a Heaven to follow.
But to labor with zest, and to give of your best,
For the sweetness and joy of the giving;
To help folks along with a hand
and a song;
Why, there's the real sunshine of living.

Carry on!
Carry on!
Fight the good fight and true;
Believe in you mission, greet
life with a cheer;
There's big work to do, and that's why you are here.
Carry on! Carry on!
Let the world be the better for you;
And at last
when you die, let this be your cry:
Carry on, my soul! Carry on!

Robert W. Service

"Think that it's fun, that you're guided, and that all is well. Think that there's time, that life is easy, and that the best is yet to come. Think that the reasons that elude you will one day catch up, that the lessons that stumped you will one day bring joy, and that the sorrows that have crippled you will soon give you wings. Think that you're important, that you cannot fail, and that happiness always returns. And think that you're beautiful."

--Robert Dooley

And if all else fails...

Love ya, sis :)

And then there were 3...

Ah, another week, another round of MEH songs. Lets get right to it. I'm tired and want to go to bed :P

Casey - I LOVE THIS SONG. And Eric Hutchinson (the original singer). I'm nervous.
He was OK. It's not exactly a hard song. I'm pretty sure I've come close to American Idol status singing this song alone in my car on the way to work. I can't say I'm fully impressed, as it wasn't a difficult song to pull off. I need to go listen to the real thing now. I might post it below :)

Crystal - Such a cliche' song :/
Her harmonica is distracting. I distracted myself over to facebook, which means I wasn't too thrilled. I guess it was OK. I'm not a huge fan of the song in the first place, so I really have no say. Next!

Lee - *sigh*
Pitchy right off the bat. I've never heard this song before, but it was good. He got to use the raw parts of his voice, which is great :) Not too bad, but it didn't blow me away.

Casey - AWW! I love "Daughters" :) :)
I like the change-up. It wasn't completely the John Mayer version, which was nice! The problem is, John Mayer has such a powerful way of singing this song, and I just felt like he fell short on his attempt. His boredom for the song showed through in a bad way :(

Crystal - Oooo...interesting song choice!
Good energy. The middle of the song where she belted the song out was actually nice! She wasn't the cliche' yelly Crystal I've been so annoyed with lately. Nice job, dude!

Lee - I have no idea what this song is. Hm.
Oh my gosh...have I ever mentioned Lee is sexy? Well, tonight he proved it, yet again :) Aw, Mr. Sexypants got a little emotional :) I love it!

My money is on Lee :) Go Mr. SP!

Bad night

I'm too depressed to blog tonight. My poor Suns lost, miserably. Blah!

I'm going to attempt to donate plasma again tomorrow after work. Wish me luck! I need the $$$!

Naps

Maybe Sunday naps aren't such a good idea. After all the festivities last night, I was so exhausted I took a SMALL one hour nap. It is now 1:15am and I'm not even a little bit tired. Or maybe it was the massive Dr. Pepper I had. Hm.

Welcome to the beginning of a new week :) Lets hope it's a good one--one that doesn't involve being tragedy, job loss, or anything else that has plagued all our minds lately!

My night as a designated driver

You know how they always say you need to find things out for yourself rather than rely on someone else's experiences? Tonight was that night.

I agreed to go out with some coworkers tonight for a bachelorette party. The plan was to go to dinner and a club. I've never been to a club before, and had personally never wanted to, but I said yes.

Dinner was good. The club was OK. All my time was spent people watching, which is usually fun, but not when you see girls provocatively dressed and guys grinding up on them. Yikes. My friends all got drunk, which I was expecting. I proudly wore the bright green "Designated Driver" wristband and sat off to the side the whole time.

Why is it so hard to convince people not to drive home drunk? I tried to made sure beforehand that everyone had rides arranged, and half the people said, "I'll be fine. I'll only drink a little bit." Yeah, sure...

I drove two people to their car a few miles away, but they insisted they were fine to drive home. How do I stop them? It's so frustrating!!!

I'm so glad clubs and booze aren't my scene. It was nice to get out of the house, but I cannot see myself ever being in that situation again. Why do people do it?