Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I've debated for weeks about what to say here. One word says it best about what I feel inside: Numb. Despite the fact that I feel sad, alone, distraught, angry, and empty, I really, truly feel nothing inside. I'm not in healing mode, I'm just try to survive. Putting one foot in front of the other is next to impossible when your heart hurts too much to move.

I would like to give a sincere thank you to everyone who has helped me and my family get through this immensely difficult time. If it wasn't for the love and support of those around me, I most definitely wouldn't be making it through. Words can do so much, but it's those who put their words into action that make me truly feel loved.

8 comments:

Anaise said...

Oh Malena! How I love you. What can I do?

Liz, in New York said...

I echo what Anaise says! Me, too! I think about you and your siblings almost daily. I wish I knew what to do...maybe you don't even know what you need? One thing is certain, time is a magnificent healer of all wounds. Give yourself time to grieve and time to heal.

In the meantime know that you have almost 50 cousins and so many many others who love you to pieces.

Judy said...

Feeling numb is absolutely normal. Feel numb. Give in to it. And do exactly what you're doing--reminding yourself to put one foot in front of the other and be a robot. This is how it happens. You're doing a good job!
Then, after a year or so of that, start thinking about moving moving closer to family where you can be a favorite auntie and more easily join in on family celebrations--or move back here and join our family! (I'm going to really need someone like you to help me when I start my School of Parenting...).

Diane said...

I just don't know if you realize how much you are loved. Everyone has given good comments and everyone wants to help. You have over 100 relatives who want to be there for you. I pray for you constantly.

gardnerfam said...

I feel truly honored to be one of those 100 relatives praying and loving you. We do love you.
Love michele

Camille said...

I think about you all the time. I want you to know that you have many people who love you, pray for you, and are there for you. Let us help you heal, if that's at all possible.

And most of all, trust Jesus. That's becoming my mantra. And it isn't easy, I know.

love you, honey.
ps... happy birthday

Anaise said...

Hey, there was notice of a new post by you that is no longer around. What's up?

AD said...

I'm sorry, Malena. Grieving brings a strange combination of emotions which sometimes catch us by surprise. Numb being one of them.

You are loved and valued. Not only by all of us in the family, but infinitely more importantly by your Father in Heaven who will buoy you up through the dark days and bring you into his light.