It's been a rough week, not gonna lie. I'm struggling with a lot of things, the main one being the fact that I feel very alone, even though I know I'm not. When I moved houses and wards, I lost a lot of old friends, and that's been extremely hard for me to deal with. Most people I know have a least one close friend they can call on, but I don't feel that way. I wish I did. Anyway...I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and kind of let it all out. I'm not looking for sympathy, but just trying to make it through the day. Who knows, maybe someone can benefit for this blog song...I know I did.
Here's the lyrics. It really is a great song. Funny how lyrics can pick you up when you're down...
Lady Antebellum
"One Day You Will"
You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now
[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will
You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet
[Chorus]
Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of
[Chorus]
One day you will
Oh one day you will
12 comments:
I TOTALLY identify with what you're saying! I HATE switching wards and vowed after I moved into this one (about 5 years ago) that I would NEVER MOVE AGAIN!! I think that's why it's taking me so long to make a decision about finding a house--honestly, I canNOT face the thought of being "alone & adrift" in the world,in a place where nobody even knows your name, let alone your talents and your lovable personality. Last time I moved, I figured out that it takes at least a year before the people in the ward figure you're going to stick and start acknowledging you, even longer to start greeting you by name. Hate it, hate it. I am SO TOTALLY available to talk. Call me. I feel like having a good cry because none of my sisters love me or ever/never call. Let's commiserate together...
I tried to leave your blog but I had to come back because it triggered some really pent-up emotions in me and got me started crying and now I can't stop. It didn't used to bother me so much that my sisters never called me until Karina & Steve moved away and I didn't have the grandkids here anymore to play with and keep me centered. Also, I used to arrange the sisters parties but this year I've been too busy with school, and now all of a sudden I'm really feeling the loneliness. I'm not looking for sympathy either, but I feel very alone too. It's the pits. I want to stay in St. George, but I just don't know if I can hold out... Anyway, thanks for being my therapist, Malena. I'll listen to your song again and have a good cry--and maybe tomorrow will be better!
I'm sorry you feel lonely--you can spend about 4 hours visiting and catching up on all the family blogs, and then you won't feel so alone . . . maybe?!? :)
I'm so sorry, Malena--and Aunt Judy. I don't know if you'll come back here but I'm just sorry it's hard. I know neither of you want sympathy, so I won't try to give it. I'm just sorry.
I hope you find the peace you need to keep going and get through these hard days.
I'm so sad that both Judy and you are feeling so alone. It seems Judy is the only sister who calls me and some times just being with family is so therapeutic. I will try to do better. I sure loved the song and I know we all have times when we feel that way. I know that if you just go out of your way to get to know people in your new Ward that you will discover there are tons of people who feel just like you.
Hey Malena I hope days have gotten easier for you. Change is so hard when you leave behind things you love like friends. I think it is amaizing your willing to try change.
Hey I hope you're not feeling too bad, you still have me! I'm feeling kind of alone lately too, I need my friend to sit with me at church! School is so horrible right now and I'm trying to keep up with it, but weekends are free game. If you need me for anything, I'm up for it! And even if I can't come over call me, I love to hear about your funny life, yes I said funny! Just so you know I really miss you in the ward, you should come visit and hang out with me. I know you're probably in Oregon now but next week definitely! We still have so many things to do, I'm making a checklist! HA HA! Well I'll talk to you later, when you get back we'll hang out!
-Kelly
DOn't give up Malena, don't you quit. You are stronger than you think you are....
All those things were said to me in moments like the one you're having. And they pulled me out.
I pray the same for you...
oh cute malena don't be sad. you are such an amazing person and friend and everyone will see that right away and be drawn to you immediately. i've been realizing lately that alot of people are having struggles and fighting their own battles, along with me, and i have come to the conclusion that i will keep my own struggles and not trade with anyone even though sometomes mine seem too hard to bear. the nice thing about the church is that everyone is pretty much the same, or at least we all beleive the same and that gives us a special bond. i love you aunt judy, i don't know how to make sure you get this message, but you are so awesome, and i'm so sorry your kids moved away :( i talked to my mom today and she was sad and doesn't feel good. she's tired of not feeling good and feels like everyone is tired of hearing it.? she's so crazy. she doesn't even complain. i think she's worse off than we know and the stupid doctors aren't doing anything about it. i wish i could go to st. george and wisk cute aunt judy away and take her to arizona and take you all to a movie! my mom would love for you to go visit her, take her somewhere! you guys need each other right now! i wish i could be there :(
Dammit, Shar, now you got me started crying again! (that's what happens when people give you sympathy!)--and just after laughing myself silly reading Liz's update on her fall!... Wow, I'm on some kind of emotional rollercoaster... I'm hoping to be able to do some catchup with my sisters after the start of the new year when I'm relatively finished with school; in the meantime, I'm determined to be less sorry for myself and try to extend out to those who have been handed harder trials than my own (just about the whole world)... Uh, love you, Malena; hope you don't mind us using your blog to do therapy...
Great song! Me and the kids just finished rockin' out for real. Thanks for sharing that.
Mom, if you're reading this, please come for Christmas. It seems like at every moment I think, Man, I wish Grandma was here to see this and be with us. Then I think, No, you'd be bored. But then I think, Yeah, but you would like the kind of boredom we experience.
Malena, keep on keepin' on. Didn't you love the conference message that Camille sent to us all?
love, karina
Ya, it sucks to be by yourself. In a new ward. In a new neighborhood. In another state/city than your family. We are here for you though and we love you so much! That goes to you and Judy!!!!
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