Cravings

I need some help...

My cravings are slowly coming back. I'm doing a good job of avoiding the biggest cravings (fast food), but sometimes when you have parties and get together with friends over the weekend, it's like the cravings are intensified tenfold. Between BBQing with friends, a birthday party, and pizza with the missionaries, this weekend was BAD for my 'diet'. I've never been one to kick myself for messing up, or give up just because I've messed up once, but the problem is that I know there are going to be days and weekends just like this last one. I need to find a way to control my cravings, and stop eating food just because it's there. Why can't I just be full and stop eating? It's like my body doesn't know when it's full. Some advice and words of wisdom would be helpful...

I met with my counselor again on Saturday and it was kind of funny. He had several suggestions to give me, but I was already doing them. He told me he didn't know why I was meeting with him, because I'm doing most everything right. Don't worry...there are other things we need to work on, so I will keep meeting with him.

My dietician called me today with the results from my blood work. My cholesterol and glucose counts were really good, which means I'm not borderline diabetic anymore! Yipppeee!!!

On another good note, I lost another 2 pounds this week, bringing my grand total to: 7.4 pounds!

To answer Aunt Ellen's comment from my last blog: The dancing lessons are going great! I can't believe we only have 2 weeks left. If I can find someone to enroll with me, I would like to start more classes once these end. And...on that note:

Motivational song for the week:
Lee Ann Womack-I Hope You Dance

Counselors and Dieticians

Another good week, and lots to report!

First off, I lost another 1.8 pounds. 5.4 pounds total! The weight is coming off slowly, but that's not a problem!

On Tuesday I met with a counselor for the first time. I was a little nervous, but after just talking to him for a few minutes, I felt at ease. We came up with two things we're going to focus on in the coming weeks-two things that I feel are the biggest obstacles I am facing. I am extremely optimistic about overcoming these two things, and I know with all the help and support I am getting from people, and from Heavenly Father, I will succeed.

Today I met with a Dietician. Our meeting was PERFECT. It answered every question I had about my current 'diet' (which is eating in moderation). I'm finally ready to have a structured eating schedule, and hopefully that will speed up the weight loss. She told me that although I am on the right track (eating wise), I'm not eating enough during the day (who has ever heard of such a thing?!). Now that I know what I'm doing, everything is going to go so much better. She also told me that I need to get some blood work done, and that the last time I had blood work done, I was borderline diabetic. Not a pleasant thought...Good thing I'm losing weight and getting rid of my health problems!

The motivational song for the week is something I heard for the first time last week. I tried looking up a video for it on YouTube, but was only able find one. It's a sad video about a little girl who has Cerebral Palsy, but if you focus on the lyrics, you'll be able to understand why I chose that song. The lyrics are PERFECT.
"God Doesn't Make Mistakes" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

-2.2 this week

Lots to report this week! Thanks again to everyone who has left comments and advice, especially for my last post. Keep 'em coming!

First-the exciting news for this week! I lost another 2.2 pounds, bringing my total weight loss to 3.6 pounds. I passed a certain number in my weight amount. A number that I haven't seen in a while, and I'm thrilled about it. Does this make any sense? Oh well...

I scheduled the appointment to meet with the counselor. I'll be going to that on Tuesday afternoon...I'm a little nervous, but I know I have to do it!

I met with a nutritionist about 2 years ago, but I wasn't ready to follow her diet plan, so I never went back. I called my doctor this week to see if I could meet with a nutritionist again, so I have that appointment scheduled for next Monday. I am doing really well with eating in moderation, and eating healthy foods, but I think I need some structure to what I'm trying to do. Hopefully this'll be accomplished by meeting with a nutritionist.

The weekly Latin and swing dancing lessons have pretty much become the highlight of my week (right up there with the weigh-in). I LOVE them! I'm really getting the hang of it. I like the Latin class because I get to dance with every guy in the class (I have NO problem doing that), and it's fun to see how different each guy leads you when you dance together. I'm having so much fun rotating around the circle that I'm really disappointed when the class ends. If you had told me a few weeks ago that I would be taking Latin and swing dancing lessons, and I'd actually be enjoying them, I would have told you that you were NUTS. Just ask my roommates-they tell me all the time that I've changed so much in the last few months. I am so happy with everything I'm accomplishing! I don't think I've ever been happier at any time in my life. I just wanted to let you all know that. I'm going through the hardest journey of my life right now, but I am so happy. Funny how that works...

Motivational song for the week:
"I Can See Clearly Now" by Jimmy Cliff

1.4 and counting...

So, I've found my first obstacle-eating out. I love to eat out, and I love going out with my friends and just relaxing. These past two weeks, I have had many opportunities to go out to eat. My roommate celebrated her 30th birthday, which of course involved eating out several times. I made good choices both times we went out, but at one of the restaurants we ordered dessert...and I'll let you figure out what happened. BUT...I did get really sick that night, and I think that was my consequence for eating dessert. This weekend (Friday night) a few of us went to Sweet Tomatoes. Yeah, it's a salad bar, but that doesn't mean it's healthy. Between the chocolate lava cake, pizza, and macaroni and cheese, I didn't hold back. Granted, I did eat less than I normally would, but I was still disappointed in myself. Yesterday afternoon a group of us went to Claim Jumper to celebrate my friends' baptism, and I ordered a salad. It was all fine and dandy until we ordered dessert. You can figure out what happened with that too...

Well, it's a new week, and I am praying for strength to overcome this specific obstacle. I believe I will be able to conquer it, but it's going to be difficult. Any suggestions?

Our first weigh-in for biggest loser was this week. I lost 1.4 pounds, which I was very happy about. I know it's not a lot, but it's in the right direction, which is all I want. There are 8 people participating, and out of 6 that weighed-in on Thursday, we lost a total of 12 pounds. That's not too shabby! I recently found out that another department at my work (located in another branch) is also doing the biggest loser contest. I wish we could have started at the same time, so more people could participate. The leader of their contest happens to be my good friend, Brenda, and she's lost a total of 17.5 pounds to date. She's an inspiration to me!

More updates to come soon. Thanks for reading!

Motivational song for the week:
"Hero" Mariah Carey
Cheesy...I know, but listen to the lyrics. They're good.

It's been a great week

What a busy week! It was, however, a very good week. Here are all the exciting things that have been going on:
I've been taking my lunches to work, and have found that I am saving a ton of money. I used to go out to eat several times a week, and aside from the health benefits of stopping this, I have more money to buy better foods in the grocery store.
There's a few of us in my ward who want to go walking once a week, so we started doing that on Tuesday. It was really fun, and quite relaxing.
Our biggest loser contest started at work on Thursday. There are 8 people total participating and the contest runs for the next 12 weeks. I'm SO going to win. :)
I'm in my second week of dancing lessons. I go twice a week for Latin and Swing dancing classes with my friend, Max. I'm really enjoying this for two reasons: It gives me something to do, rather than sit at home and eat. And, it's getting me moving. We're not into the complicated stuff yet, but when we are, it'll be more like a workout. I've also realized that I don't have any hips (kind of mandatory for Latin dancing.) That'll be changing soon!

It's amazing that after only two short weeks, I'm already feeling better and noticing changes. My clothes are a little bit looser, I have more energy, I'm sleeping more comfortably, and it doesn't hurt so much to do little things (like walk around Wal-Mart for an hour like I did on Wednesday). When I weighed myself for The Biggest Loser contest yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I weighed a little bit less than I thought I did. The last time I weighed myself was about 2 months ago at the gym. I kind of wish I would have weighed myself a few weeks ago. Oh well. The past doesn't matter.

My heartfelt thanks go out to everyone again for the support and the comments you send my way. They make me cry, laugh, but more importantly, they keep me motivated and inspired. You are all amazing!

P.S. I'm going to respond to each of your comments individually this week. I've been neglecting that, and I'll make up for it this week. I'm sorry!

P.P.S. Another motivational song/video. Listen to the lyrics. They're pretty cool.

And the journey continues!

Hello friends and family,

First, I want to thank you ALL for the outpouring of support and generosity towards me. I don't think you realize how much I appreciate it. I cried when I read each of your comments. I really did! Had I known I'd have so much support, I probably would have started this journey a while ago. Thank you for everything. I can do this, and I know you all are going to be able to help me. I love you all!

This week was really good. I haven't been on any strict diet plan-I don't want to start that until I talk to a counselor. This week I have been practicing moderation. I've been measuring my food, and last night when a few of us went to dinner, I split half my meal with my friend. Guess what? I was still satisfied! I wasn't "full", which was amazing, because everytime I eat out, I eat as much as I can. I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the night and I felt great! Today I went grocery shopping and bought a few health foods (hello, expensive groceries!), and some snacks that I can eat throughout the day so my 3 meals aren't as huge and heavy as they usually are.

My roommates have been amazing this week-when Anneliesa and Aubrie came home from playing tennis today, Aubrie came into my room and said: "Get your shoes on NOW, we're going on a walk!" I also went walking with a very willing Lindsey this week. I don't think I could have better roommates. Thanks for the support girls!

At work on Friday we had pizza ordered, and since I had a half day, and left work before the pizza even got there, I didn't eat any! I'm not even a huge pizza fan, but when it comes to food, I eat anything, and a lot of it. That's what my problem is...why do I have to eat, to just eat? If I don't like it, or am not hungry, then don't eat it (or I won't now!)

At work this next week, we are starting a "Biggest Loser" contest. There's a bunch of people at work on diets, so I though, why not make it into a contest? I've heard of a lot of companies doing the Biggest Loser, and I'm excited for us to start! More details and updates to come.

Until next time!
Malena

P.S. I have my 5 year high school reunion at the end of May, and I'm actually looking forward to going (plus it's a big motivator to lose weight!)

The beginning of a new journey

I'm tired.

I'm tired of being overweight and I'm finally ready to do something about it. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but for once in my life I feel like I have things in order for me to succeed. I can't be like this anymore, and the more I realize it, the more I have the desire to change.

I guess part of the problem is that I've always been comfortable with myself. I have always hid behind my weight; the reason I only have a few close friends, the reason I'm not social, the reason I...blah, blah, blah. I'm tired of making excuses for myself. I am 22, and I have my whole life ahead of me, and I feel like I've wasted a significant chunk of it feeling sorry for myself. It's time to change. It's time to get my butt in gear, and do something with my life. I am attractive. I am worthy. I am going to make boys take a second glance when I pass by. Don't get me wrong: As much as I am looking forward the boys in the world having a good time getting to know the new me, I am not doing this for them. I am doing this for me. I am doing this for my future family, my future, my life...

No more Weight Watchers, no more starving myself, no more cravings, no more second helpings, no more deprivation, no more guilt, no more depression, no more 'I can't's. I'm attacking this thing from the inside out. I've never done this before, and that makes it all the more motivating.

Step one: Recognize I'm doing this for myself.
Seems simple, but nothing has ever been harder. It's taken me 22 years to figure this step out. I've always dieted for the wrong reasons. Yeah, I've had success, but then it ends. It ends, and everything goes back the way it was, but worse. This isn't going to happen. I will NOT let this happen. My life depends on this journey, and if the journey ends, so does my life. My dad died two years ago due to health problems that I believe could have been lessened if he had been able to lose weight. I think about him everyday, and wish that he could be here with me. He was taken from our family unexpectedly and too soon. I will not let this happen to me. I already have health problems associated with my weight, and I cannot let this continue. I'm doing this for myself, and I'm doing this for my dad.

Step two: It's all mental
I went and talked to my bishop a few weeks ago about the desire to start this journey. I came to him for counsel to help me figure out where I needed to start. The first thing he mentioned was counseling, and I believe he was inspired from Heavenly Father. This is exactly what I need. I'm starting from the inside out, and what better way to do that then to meet with a counselor. I'm looking forward to starting this in the next few weeks.

The biggest challenge I am going to be facing is support. Support from my family and support from my friends. I am asking all who have taken the time to read this for help. As much as I would like to do this by myself, I can't. This is where I have messed up in the past. I need, first and foremost, the help of Heavenly Father. He and I have had many conversations, and I have knelt many hours in prayer over this in the past few months. I recognize that I can't do this without Him. I know He's on my side, and because of this, I cannot fail. He's the only constant in my life, and what better person to have on your side, then you best friend. After the help of Heavenly Father, I am asking for the help of my friends and family. You have the power to change people's lives, to motivate and inspire, to bring happiness to those who are troubled, to bear one another's burdens, and to be a shining beacon when a loved one is lost in the darkness of despair. I need the help of people like this If I am to succeed. I ask, humbly, for the help that you can give me. If you're not sure how to help, think of yourself in my situation, and try to figure out what would help you.

Lastly, if there is anyone out there reading this that needs my help with their journey, I pray that you will ask. We can't change ourselves alone. I am available to help you out with anything that you need. Don't hesitate to ask.

I'm ready. Are you?

P.S. The song on this video describes how this journey is going to be. I've finally realized my dreams, and no one can take them away from me.
"Ride Of Your Life" by John Gregory