Turning that frown upside-down

You all know how miserable I've been lately (some more than others), and I try to avoid the things that trigger my depressive moods, such as being alone, talking negative, etc. These things work for a while, but that mood always creeps back up to me. Until yesterday.

I had the opportunity to do something nice for someone. A simple, thoughtful act. Within seconds my good mood doubled tripled quadrupled! I was astounded at how FAST I was able to kill that bad spirit and begin riding a high that has lasted me more than 24 hours.

Did I move mountains? No. Did it change the life of the person who I helped? Probably not. But it did change my life in a small way? Absolutely, yes.

I challenge you to do something nice for someone else this week. It doesn't have to be life changing. But, who knows. Maybe it really will change the life of the person most important--you!


Back blog:
I appreciate all of your comments even more than you can imagine. I wish I knew how to thank you all properly, but I'm at a loss for words when I read all the kind things you guys write to me! Your love is what keeps me going :)

Someone is watching out for me...

I had a rough night last night. I really don't know what it was, but I just needed a good cry, I think. Thanks to my mom for being the unfortunate saint at the other end of the line as she listened to me ramble unintelligible sentences.

I've been working on seeing a counselor for months now, and I was at my wit's end. In an effort to try to reach one to schedule an appointment with (none of the previous inquiries had bothered to return my call), I, very much like a lunatic, began dialing any number I could find off the list of insurance approved psychiatrists. I left voicemail after voicemail each click of the phone making my heart sink even more at the though that, again, one would just brush me off.

I dialed the number of one psychiatrist whom shares my last name, and at 11:00 at night, I hear a "Hello?"

Finally. Someone cared.

She didn't let me get off that phone call for nearly 40 minutes. I left with her office number, cell number, and even her fax number and a promise, to be there, waiting for me at 6:00 on Wednesday.

I can't express how grateful I am that someone finally took the initiative to hear me out and talk to me like a human being. With every ignored call a literal slap in the face, I'm glad someone was there to pick me up.

Never underestimate the effect you have on someone in need.

Take the inititave and be that kind of person for someone else. There is nothing more angelic.

The Buried Blog

What do you want to do before you die?

Anyone ever watched The Buried Life on MTV? It's a relatively new show about a group of young men who made a list and have set out on a quest to fulfill everything they want to do before they die.

I'm sure every one of us have set goals of things we want to accomplish throughout our lifetime, and besides the standard responses like "get married" and "have kids" (both of which I want to do), what do you REALLY want to do before you die?

Here's my top 5:
1: Visit all 50 states (Sara, I'm so envious of you...)
2: Go to an Arizona Cardinals game
3: Live in New York City
4: Get a stamp in my passport
5: Be an inspiration to others

What's your top 5?

Check out this tear-jerking video. I cry every time I watch it!

Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

Loss is a subjective word. Did I lose my willpower? Did I lose my focus? Did I lose my dedication? Have I lost my faith? Am I losing my job? Did I lose my best friend? Am I about to lose my mind? What exactly is loss?

Loss is my temporary still.

Loss inspires hope.

Loss has been my vindication.

So mesmerizing,
so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I literally feel change brewing. I can taste it. I can hear it. How do I find it? Only through the faith of others and the fervor of one imperfect person...

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

This is where I begin: to go back to basics, to begin anew, and find out who I am.

This is my journey.

Earth to my blog readers...

I've been thinking about doing a DAILY blog. Yes, daily! Anyone interested in reading it?

Live changes, diets, Beesley, work, etc. I'm going to discuss it all!

Shoot me a comment to let me know if I'm going to actually have some followers :)

Dear Dad

Only you could fill the void I feel inside right now. Why did you have to go so early? 4 years ago I didn't know what I was missing. Why do I now feel remorse for words left unsaid. I never told you I Love You. I hope you know I do. When I'm down, I want my dad. After I moved out I used to avoid calling home because I was afraid you'd answer, and I didn't really want to talk to you. Now it makes me sick to think of how selfish I was. What I would give to be able to call home and have you answer. What I would give to take back the time I yelled that I hated you for not giving me something I wanted. You gave it to me anyway, because that's what dad's do. Did I ever say thank you?

Mom told me a few months ago that I was a daddy's girl when I was a child. I bet you were so proud of that. Would you be proud of me now, despite all the mistakes I've made? You loved mom at her best and her worst. I hope I can find a man like you, but I know I can't. You're greater than any man I know.

Every time I pass that exit in Flagstaff where Julia called to tell me you had passed on, I ache a little more. I kick myself every day for not leaving on November 25th. I stayed home because I wanted to sleep so I could be ready for the drive the next day. How selfish I was, again. I didn't make it in time to see your last day.

I remember a phone call from you, it might have been the last time I talked to you on the phone. You told me you were sitting in as a witness in the baptismal font of the temple, and you looked up and saw me sitting on the front row of the pews, watching you. You said you knew it wasn't me physically, but I was there with you in spirit. I guess in a way I did see you right before you died.

I hope you watch over me from up in heaven. It doesn't fill the void, but I like to think you know me and are proud of me. Watch over mom, too. I think we both need you now more than ever.

I love my dad, I hope I see you again someday.

Love,
Malena

Hidden Blessings

God blessed me with an idiot filter.

I used to think my weight and looks were a downfall, but thanks to the kindness of an old friend, I realized something today...Heavenly Father has just been protecting me!

Let's pretend for a few minutes that I weigh 120 pounds. Most guys would be instantly drawn to me, I'd fit the attraction they are addicted to. I know we all have our own opinions on attraction, but the fact is that people are drawn to those that fit certain physical criteria.

Back to reality: I DON'T weigh 120 pounds, I have everything else going for me but THAT. If someone isn't attracted to me because of that one simple flaw, then they just lost out on an amazing opportunity. Sure, I'm not going to be a match for just anyone, but that's my point.

Heavenly Father has saved me from a lot of heartache. My idiot filter has weeded out those guys who aren't going to love me for ME. I don't have to put up with those that are shallow, liars, and thieves. The guy I end up with someday will be one lucky man, and I'll know he's for me because he will have made it through the filter. I know I'm an amazing person, and I know what I want in life. I'm in no hurry, divine courses are not to be rushed.

For all those of you out there who feel discouraged or worthless, remember that God has a plan for you, and who knows...maybe you have your own filter :)