Malena's Journeys

2010-08-04T18:53:00.003-07:00

I've debated for weeks about what to say here. One word says it best about what I feel inside: Numb. Despite the fact that I feel sad, alone, distraught, angry, and empty, I really, truly feel nothing inside. I'm not in healing mode, I'm just try to survive. Putting one foot in front of the other is next to impossible when your heart hurts too much to move.

I would like to give a sincere thank you to everyone who has helped me and my family get through this immensely difficult time. If it wasn't for the love and support of those around me, I most definitely wouldn't be making it through. Words can do so much, but it's those who put their words into action that make me truly feel loved.

Goin' campin'!

2010-05-20T23:13:00.003-07:00

It's ward campout time! I won't be blogging tomorrow. No internet---ahhh! I can't wait!

See you again Saturday :)

A little motivation for my sis :)

2010-05-19T21:51:00.004-07:00

Motivation. That word is a curse word in my dictionary. I don't know how to define it, find it, hold on to it, and I sure as heck don't know how to spread it around. Those brief times in my life that I feel close to it, I find it ripped from my routine never to be found again for years. It's a harsh reality, and more than likely will be a life-long battle to even be able to say it outloud.

In an attempt to assist Katee, I've found a few things which will hopefully help her in her own journey.

An article by Marvin J. Ashton covered all different kinds of challenges, from physical addictions to mental obstacles. He says it best here.

2 Nephi 1:23: Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust.

It's easy to fight when everything's right,
And you're
mad with the thrill and the glory;
It's easy to cheer when victory's near,
And wallow in fields that are gory.
It's a different song when
everything's wrong.
When you're feeling infernally mortal;
When it's ten
against one, and hope there is none,
Buck up, little soldier, and chortle:

Carry on! Carry on!
There isn't much punch in your blow.
You're
glaring and staring and hitting out blind;
You're muddy and bloody, but
never mind.
Carry on! Carry on!
You haven't the ghost of a show.
It's looking like death, but while you've a breath,
Carry on, my son!
Carry on!

And so in the strife of the battle of life
It's easy to
fight when you're winning;
It's easy to slave, and starve and be brave,
When the dawn of success is beginning.
But the man who can meet despair
and defeat
With a cheer, there's a man of God's choosing;
The man who
can fight to Heaven's own height
Is the man who can fight when he's losing.

Carry on! Carry on!
Things never were looming so black.
But show
that you haven't a cowardly streak,
And though you're unlucky you never are
weak.
Carry on! Carry on!
Brace up for another attack.
It's looking
like hell, but - you never can tell;
Carry on, old man! Carry on!

There are some who drift out in the deserts of doubt,
And some who
in brutishness wallow;
There are others, I know, who in piety go
Because
of a Heaven to follow.
But to labor with zest, and to give of your best,
For the sweetness and joy of the giving;
To help folks along with a hand
and a song;
Why, there's the real sunshine of living.

Carry on!
Carry on!
Fight the good fight and true;
Believe in you mission, greet
life with a cheer;
There's big work to do, and that's why you are here.
Carry on! Carry on!
Let the world be the better for you;
And at last
when you die, let this be your cry:
Carry on, my soul! Carry on!

Robert W. Service

"Think that it's fun, that you're guided, and that all is well. Think that there's time, that life is easy, and that the best is yet to come. Think that the reasons that elude you will one day catch up, that the lessons that stumped you will one day bring joy, and that the sorrows that have crippled you will soon give you wings. Think that you're important, that you cannot fail, and that happiness always returns. And think that you're beautiful."
--Robert Dooley

And if all else fails...

Love ya, sis :)

And then there were 3...

2010-05-18T23:11:00.003-07:00

Ah, another week, another round of MEH songs. Lets get right to it. I'm tired and want to go to bed :P

Casey - I LOVE THIS SONG. And Eric Hutchinson (the original singer). I'm nervous.
He was OK. It's not exactly a hard song. I'm pretty sure I've come close to American Idol status singing this song alone in my car on the way to work. I can't say I'm fully impressed, as it wasn't a difficult song to pull off. I need to go listen to the real thing now. I might post it below :)

Crystal - Such a cliche' song :/
Her harmonica is distracting. I distracted myself over to facebook, which means I wasn't too thrilled. I guess it was OK. I'm not a huge fan of the song in the first place, so I really have no say. Next!

Lee - *sigh*
Pitchy right off the bat. I've never heard this song before, but it was good. He got to use the raw parts of his voice, which is great :) Not too bad, but it didn't blow me away.

Casey - AWW! I love "Daughters" :) :)
I like the change-up. It wasn't completely the John Mayer version, which was nice! The problem is, John Mayer has such a powerful way of singing this song, and I just felt like he fell short on his attempt. His boredom for the song showed through in a bad way :(

Crystal - Oooo...interesting song choice!
Good energy. The middle of the song where she belted the song out was actually nice! She wasn't the cliche' yelly Crystal I've been so annoyed with lately. Nice job, dude!

Lee - I have no idea what this song is. Hm.
Oh my gosh...have I ever mentioned Lee is sexy? Well, tonight he proved it, yet again :) Aw, Mr. Sexypants got a little emotional :) I love it!

My money is on Lee :) Go Mr. SP!

Bad night

2010-05-17T21:56:00.004-07:00

I'm too depressed to blog tonight. My poor Suns lost, miserably. Blah!

I'm going to attempt to donate plasma again tomorrow after work. Wish me luck! I need the $$$!

Naps

2010-05-17T01:01:00.003-07:00

Maybe Sunday naps aren't such a good idea. After all the festivities last night, I was so exhausted I took a SMALL one hour nap. It is now 1:15am and I'm not even a little bit tired. Or maybe it was the massive Dr. Pepper I had. Hm.

Welcome to the beginning of a new week :) Lets hope it's a good one--one that doesn't involve being tragedy, job loss, or anything else that has plagued all our minds lately!

My night as a designated driver

2010-05-16T01:07:00.003-07:00

You know how they always say you need to find things out for yourself rather than rely on someone else's experiences? Tonight was that night.

I agreed to go out with some coworkers tonight for a bachelorette party. The plan was to go to dinner and a club. I've never been to a club before, and had personally never wanted to, but I said yes.

Dinner was good. The club was OK. All my time was spent people watching, which is usually fun, but not when you see girls provocatively dressed and guys grinding up on them. Yikes. My friends all got drunk, which I was expecting. I proudly wore the bright green "Designated Driver" wristband and sat off to the side the whole time.

Why is it so hard to convince people not to drive home drunk? I tried to made sure beforehand that everyone had rides arranged, and half the people said, "I'll be fine. I'll only drink a little bit." Yeah, sure...

I drove two people to their car a few miles away, but they insisted they were fine to drive home. How do I stop them? It's so frustrating!!!

I'm so glad clubs and booze aren't my scene. It was nice to get out of the house, but I cannot see myself ever being in that situation again. Why do people do it?

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution

2010-05-15T00:59:00.002-07:00

Does anyone watch this show? *coughCAMILLEcough*

I've had all the episodes on my DVR for a few weeks and finally decided to watch one. One turned in to two, and two turned in to me crying and laughing and nearly throwing up.

OH MY GOSH.

How can a kid think a tomato is a potato? Or not recognize broccoli? Or not know french fries come from potatoes? It's so sad!

Please chime in if you're a regular viewer of this show. I need to have some venting buddies, because I cannot believe the things they showed and I'm so disgusted processed food has taken over the world.

I'm certainly not the poster-child for healthy eating, but if anything motivates me to change, it's seeing real life proof and witnessing how something so small can destroy your body and mentality.

Watching how disgusting school food has become makes me want to go binge on celery and apples. How can we feed our kids this crap? Better yet, why aren't we doing anything about it?

My Scottie manacotti turned 12 today!

2010-05-13T19:41:00.005-07:00

It all started 12 years ago today.

I was in middle school, 7th grade. Katee was in 8th. We had two sisters that were expecting and anxiously awaiting the arrival of the first unknown-gender baby :)

I was on my way to art class with Mr. Winget, and Katee excitedly stopped me in the hall to tell me the good news.

Natalie had her baby! And it was a boy! And his name is Scott!

"Who names their kid Scott?!" I said :) I then went in to class and proclaimed I had become and aunt for the first time today. Can you tell I was proud?

Fast forward 12 years later, and my Scottie-boy is now old enough to pass the sacrement and enter young mens! Instead of the traditional birthday call, I texted him! Poor kid has a cell phone. I never thought I'd see the day!

Happy Birthday, Scottie potty!

Pool drains!

2010-05-12T23:24:00.005-07:00

I took a little dip tonight in the community swimming pool. How great is it to live somewhere that you can go swimming at 9:30 at night in May? :)

While floating in the calm water, I reminisced about my irrational fear of pool drains.

I hate them. I always have. I won't go into a pool unless I've scouted out where every drain and jet is, and when I finally get up the courage to get in, I won't go within 5 feet of any of them. I have no idea where this fear came from, but I've had it for as long as I can remember!

Kelly suggested it's symbolic. Maybe pool drains are representative of obstacles in my life. If that's the case, then food and weight are my pool drains. Maybe if I hold my breath and swim down to the bottom of the pool and make friends with a drain, I'll be cured of all my weight problems. Hmm...if it were only that easy.

This article cracked me up!!! Apparently I'm not alone in my fear! It's not anything to do with being sucked into the drains, but just the fact that they're there. I don't know what it is...

Y-I-K-E-S!!!

AI Top 4!

2010-05-11T19:44:00.003-07:00

Welcome back to another week of reviewing the show that no one cares about anymore, but takes up space on my DVR so I feel obligated to watch :)

Lee - When he sang in the rehearsal, I thought I might die. Have I ever mentioned he's very, very, very good looking? I'm pretty sure he's singing to me when he looks so lovingly at the camera :) I love this song!
I think the song was great for him, but it was very safe. I loved the rough parts of the song, but the rest was just OK. He missed the UMPH factor. It could have been much more creative!

Michael - What is this song from?! It sounds so familiar. It sounds a bit too gospel, which I guess isn't such a bad thing. Good vocals. Very predictable--he needs to branch out more!

Lee & Crystal - What a great combo! I liked 90% of it, but they seemed a little flat in some parts. Maybe they were trying to harmonize too hard. Hm. P.S. I've never seen Lee smile that big :D

Casey - Whoa, weird rehearsal. Not thrilled with the song choice as it's a very boring, flat song. We'll see.
Is it just me or does his hair look crimped? His vocals were good, but I didn't feel the song at all. There's just no range in it. Meh.

Crystal - I think I'm a little Crysal'ed out. Her voice is a bit nails-on-the-chalkboard-ey now. It's a good song and the vocals were great, but I think I'm over her powerful-ish voice. 6/10.

Casey & Mike - Ah! I love this song! Don't mess it up!
Great guitar playing from Casey. I was impressed. Not the greatest mix of voices, but good vocals. Well done!

Ellen's joke at the end sealed the whole show! "As a matter of fact, yes, I have loved a woman."

Second failure

2010-05-10T21:29:00.003-07:00

I'm so discouraged.

I donated plasma again tonight and got about 95% of the way done, and my veins collapsed! The tech messed around with the needle in my arm a few times and I immediately got sick. UGH! The last time I went in, they told me if I had a lightheaded episode again, they'd permanently defer me from donating plasma again!

I asked the people there what the verdict was, but they said the staff doctor (who wasn't there at the time) would have the final say if I got to donate again. This is so sad!

I drank so much water today I thought I was going to die. Seriously. I made myself sick with water! I didn't even know that was possible!

Water...yuck!

2010-05-09T21:48:00.009-07:00

I was finally able to donate plasma again on Friday night. It took nearly 3 hours, but I finished! My veins collapsed a few times and the phlebotamist said it was because I need to drink more water.

My goal tonight is to drink 2 liters of water before bed. Luckily I don't care about waking up to go pee, but I hope I can make it through the night without a stomach ache. Blah! Sometimes water tastes so gross.

Anyone have any tips for how to down lots of water? I usually drink double the amount I usually do when I'm drinking it with a meal--that's the only tip I can think of.

Check out my battle scar!

I hope all you mothers had a great mother's day! Yesterday was my 100th blog post :)

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T00:51:00.004-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all you current and future mothers out there!

Even I, the fur-mama, got a happy mother's day from my little fella :)

P.S. My mom can beat up your mom. True story. I love you, mom! :)

Strawberry Coconut Cake

2010-05-07T23:14:00.006-07:00

I promised a bunch of people I'd post this recipe after making it last night and taking it in to work. I hope someone duplicates it and lets me know how it turns out!

2 1/2 c. flour
2 t. baking powder
1 t. baking soda
1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
1 c. fresh puree'd strawberries
2 T. sugar (optional)
2 t. vanilla
1 c. melted butter
1/2 c. shredded coconut

Mix all ingredients together well. Mixture will be thick and cookie-like.

Liberally spray a bundt cake pan with non-stick cooking spray. Sprinkle extra coconut inside the empty pan, evenly and lightly covering all the sides and bottom of the pan. Carefully spoon batter into the pan, so as to keep the coconut along the sides.

Bake at 325 for 20-30 minutes, or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Allow to cool completely on a rack before frosting.

The frosting I used was a mixture of puree'd strawberries, cream cheese, powdered sugar, white chocolate, and vanilla. Sprinkle fresh coconut on top of the frosted cake.

I made this recipe up!!! So happy :)

Summer!

2010-05-06T23:52:00.007-07:00

I love summer!

Soon...

Flip flops all around!!!

And...

A bit of lounging in the pool...Luckily I have one right around the corner from me!

Or...

Maybe just a bit of tanning? Oh yeah, baby!

What's your favorite summer activity?

Kelly, hurry up and finish your finals so we can go swimmingggggg!!! :)

Taco Enchiladas

2010-05-05T21:59:00.007-07:00

Being that it's Cinco de Mayo, I felt obligated to make something Mexican for dinner. I threw some things together in a casserole dish, and viola! taco enchiladas! And they're healthy, too!

1 lb. ground turkey (93% lean)
1 pkg. taco seasoning (I made my own. Delish! I ommitted the salt.)
1 can fat-free refried beans
10 corn tortillas
1 12 oz. jar salsa (I used homemade--thanks Julia!)
1 c. cheese

Brown the ground turkey with taco seasoning. Add refried beans and heat through.

Warm tortillas and add about 1/4 c. turkey and refried beans filling mixture, roll up and place in a pan sprayed with fat-free cooking spray.

If any filling remains, spread on top of tortillas and pour salsa over the entire pan. Sprinkle cheese on top.

Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until cheese starts to brown.

Serve with sour cream, additional salsa and cheese, sliced lettuce, or anything else that strikes your fancy! Enjoy!

It was freakin' delicious. Trust me! :)

A little Sinatra, a little Connick Jr.--I'm in heaven!

2010-05-04T21:24:00.003-07:00

Two of the best romantic singers ever. I have to preface by saying I know my Sinatra. I have most of his CD's and I know nearly every song word-for-word. I love him! I will be sincerely crushed if these "singers" don't do him justice. He is and always will be my favorite :)

These top 5 had better not blow it! Here goes nothing...

Aaron - Bahaha! I love the cute little man-suit.
No. No. No. No. NO. Fly Me To The Garbage! That's such a big and LOUD song, and there was NO UMPH. Boooooo! He had no energy. Send him home.

Is Lee on yet? Come on!

Casey - Whew. Horribly out of tune at the beginning. I appreciate the fact that he's picking a different tempo of song than he has before. The song totally didn't do it for me--it was just awkward from beginning to end! Maybe I'm just a Sinatra snob. I'm not sure :)

Crystal - Hm. Halfway through and I'm not quite sure how I feel. The band is ROCKIN' awesome! I love me some good trumpet playing!
Crystal...right. Kind of OK. Nothing really stuck out to me as great, but it wasn't throwing tomatoes bad. Meh.

Mike - One of my top 3 favorite Sinatra songs. Whewwwww!
Pitchy. Not what I was expecting! The chorus came together, but I wasn't as thrilled as I thought I would be given he's a jazz-y singer. 7/10.

Lee - Lee + Frank Sinatra = HOLY CREPES. I love it already...I totally cracked up when Harry said he looks like a younger version of him. Hilarious! I'm excited after listening to the raw version in the coaching session...
FREAKIN' AWESOME! I loved it! I felt like I was actually listening to a CD. He was in tune, on tempo, and had a great balance with the band. Hands down, the winner for the evening. GO LEE!

'In the criminal justice system..."

2010-05-03T21:20:00.005-07:00

Is it bad when you had 121 episodes of Law & Order: SVU on your DVR and 2 weeks later you only have 19? Whoops.

I think I'm addicted. I'm even watching it as we speak.

I think I got it from my mom. I remember watching TV with her when I was younger and as soon as Law & Order came on, the whole house had to be quiet so she didn't miss any of the episode. Thanks a lot, mom! You're an enable to my addiction :)

Back-blogging: Yes, Aunt Judy, I did the red blood text on purpose! Plasma can be donated every two days, no more than twice in a 7 day period. I'm going again tomorrow after work :)

Plasma

2010-05-02T22:42:00.003-07:00

I donated plasma. I never thought I'd get that desperate. But, I did. Sometimes it's that empty tank of gas or that fridge that just has curdled milk and wilty celery that puts you over the edge. In any case, I conquered. Sort of.

I was already shaking as I walked into the center. Luckily, the staff was very nice and they showed me exactly what I needed to do. I was instructed to sit down and then was immediately called back up so one of the technicians could check my veins. Sure. That was a little odd, because they usually do that when you're about to donate.

Veins, check. Blood pressure, check (barely!). Iron, check. Protein, check. Pulse, check. Weight, check. Good to go.

Now, time for the physical. When the tech asked me if I was comfortable getting a physical from him, since he was a male, I got a bit worried. I asked what it entailed, and when I was informed it's just checking your heart, veins, pupil dilation, etc., I said OK.

So what do vein checks, pupil dilation checks, and inbetween toe checks all have in common? Apparently there is an abundance of junkies who try to donate plasma, so they have to check you from head to toe (literally!) to make sure you're not shooting up anywhere or not currently high. Good thing I don't do drugs!

Everything was perfect, including the technicians who were super good looking (WOW!!!). 5 minutes into the donation I started feeling a little light headed. Things turned fast and I flagged someone down who immediately turned the machine off and started pumping saline and red blood cells back into my system. I felt good again after a few minutes so I gave them permission to turn the machine back on. Dang. 5 minutes later, back came the lightheadedness. They had only collected 1/4 of the plasma they needed for a full donation, but the thought of keeping at it made me physically sick.

So, I didn't quite finish, but I did get money for my first time donation. I guess they had collected enough plasma to test, which is all they do with your first donation anyway, so I walked out of there a little woozy and $50 richer.

I plan on going back on Wednesday. Hopefully I can make it next time :)

Anyone here ever donated plasma before?

Which picture should I choose?

2010-05-01T23:14:00.004-07:00

I'm entering Beesley in a photo contest! I can't decide which picture to choose. He's just so darn cute I can't figure out which one is CUTER! Help?

Pic 1:

Pic 2:

Favorite exercise songs!

2010-04-30T23:41:00.002-07:00

What's your favorite song to exercise to?

For years now, I've always had Move Along by All-American Rejects on my playlist. It's fast, has a great beat, and the song is awesome!

More recently, I have Good Life by One Republic on my playlist. I first heard it in a movie theater and I've been hooked ever since!

Please, share your favorite exercise song! I need to build up my playlist :)

Peanut butter squares, anyone?

2010-04-29T23:34:00.003-07:00

I fell asleep trying to think of a topic for tonight's blog. I don't think that's a good sign!

It's been a long week and it's FINALLY FRIDAY! What better way to celebrate than with CHOCOLATE and PEANUT BUTTER!!!

One of my all-time favorites. Super simple and tastes just like Reese's. This is for you, Tiffanie!

2 sticks butter, softened
2 c peanut butter
1 lb powdered sugar
1 package graham crackers (one of the wrapped inner packages, not the whole box)
12 oz milk chocolate chips

Mix together the first 4 ingredients and spread evenly on a cookie sheet.

Melt the chocolate and spread over mixture.

Cut the squares while the chocolate is still melted (very important!) and refrigerate.

Now, if I only had any peanut butter...

Phoenix Children's Hospital Give-a-thon!

2010-04-29T00:11:00.004-07:00

I had the pleasure of volunteering to take pledges for the Phoenix Children's Hospital tonight for their annual Give-a-thon. I can sum up my experience with one word:

AMAZING!

Before we set foot in the hospital, we came across a man and his son who had been going to the hospital for 4 years because of his daughter's illness. On the way in, he passed a nurse who knew him by name and I heard him say they're back because his daughter had another seizure. So sad :(

I wish I had a video of the TV broadcast, but I don't think they share them. I did take a few pics, though!

View from the phones of the camera

View when the lights and camera were on

Annmarie cleaning up when we finished

Last year, the TV anchor Mark Curtis said if a pledge came in for $12,000 he'd shave off his life-long mustache. Lo and behold, a call came in, and he did it! They tried to do it again this year, but I don't think anyone called in with the full amount. Here's the volunteer's spoof of the mustache prank :)

I'm so glad I went to this event! It was nice to get away from my troubles and take time to give back to people who truly make difference. I'll definitely be going back next year! Maybe even before.

Total raised: $210,000!

Final 6!

2010-04-27T22:26:00.002-07:00

Welcome back to another week of American Idol judged by a girl who has absolutely no credibility or really even cares, but nothing better is on TV :)

Here we go! Shania Twain! I love her!

Lee -- Ohmygoodnessgracioushe'ssogoodlooking!!! Whoa. Focus. Ouch. Very out of tune. Come on Lee! Energy-8/10, vocals 2/10, looks (duh) 12.3/10, total: 6. Hopefully it's not his last performance. Sorely disappointed :(

Mike -- Ever notice how he sings only soul songs? Sure, that's his style, but it's getting horribly boring. I stopped listening halfway through to stare at Beesley gnawing on his rawhide. It was slightly more entertaining than Mike's performance. Sorry. Next!

Casey -- Amazing. Slow, which I usually don't like, but he was actually in tune the whole time! I could fall asleep his singing this song to me--in a good way! Would definitely like to see him back next week.

Crystal -- One of my favorite Shania songs! I love the personal connection she shared before she started :) I bet he proposes when she's done...
A bit too folky for me. A little too slow, too. It's an upbeat song, no? Hey, at least she was in tune!

Aaron -- Meh. He's so young!! He was horribly out of tune tonight (what's new...) but the chorus was good, once it got faster paced. I predict he's a gonner tomorrow.

Shioban -- Another one of my favorite Shania songs :) The first half was great, but I think she kind of tuckered out for the rest. It was out of tune, lagged, and was just...odd. 6/10.

Stay tuned next week when we take on the top 5! As long as I get to see sexy Lee, I'm fine :)

P.S. If you're in Arizona, make sure you watch channel 12 (KPNX, NBC) tomorrow night at 10. I'm going to be on the news! I'm taking pledges for the Phoenix Children's Hospital and the news is being broadcast live there. Whooohoo!

Day one. Sort of.

2010-04-26T22:41:00.006-07:00

I almost died tonight.

My friend gave me his used manual treadmill about a year ago. Of course I've never used it. Since I'm interested in the Couch to 5K program and am dreading the coming 100+ degree days here, I brought it out for a little test drive.

A big girl and a small manual treadmill do not mix. It's a good thing I was holding on to the side bars when I stepped on it. The fixed incline is so high I immediately slipped. Stupidly, I broke out into a run right when it first moved, and next thing I know, I'm running 10 MPH on an unstable piece of cheap plastic.

Needless to say, if I'm truly going to succeed on this ever-so-enticing journey, I'm going to need better equipment.

I'm not quite ready for humanity to see me run, so for the first few weeks, at least, I'm keeping the exercise to the inside of my home. It's better for everyone. Trust me ;)

Thanks for all your immense support! Anaise, I'm counting on you to keep me updated on your own progress!

I see the girl I want to be, riding bareback, carefree along the shore

2010-04-26T00:41:00.002-07:00

A few years ago, Katee introduced me to a song by Natasha Bedingfield called "Wild Horses". In that song, there is a line:
I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bareback, carefree along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumpin' head first headlong without a fall
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

On that note, I'm introducing my next journey! The couch to 5k program.

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Can I do it? Of course I can.

How? That's where you come in.

All motivation and good intentions aside, can I really do it? Being that I'm not in any shape to be a runner and I live in the hottest state in the US, is it feasable?

I'm sick of sitting by and watching my life pass me by. I want to be that runner that I envision myself as nearly every single day. Just as the song says, I want to break free. It's time to push myself out of my comfort zone and make real, tangible progress.

What are your thoughts?

Sometimes, you just need a little pick-me-up :)

2010-04-25T02:03:00.003-07:00

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

What's your favorite motivational song?

Lemon Love

2010-04-23T23:31:00.002-07:00

I love anything lemon. I'm addicted. I can't get enough! From the sheer smell of them to the way they tickle your tongue--I'm hooked!

I'm on a quest to find the best lemon recipes. Whether they're your Grandma's famous lemon bars or your homemade lemon candles, I want your tips and recipes!

Help a girl out here...please? :)

(I'm currently drinking homemade lemonade. The sickness is THAT bad!)

I love to cook!

2010-04-22T22:28:00.004-07:00

I got up early, worked 10 hours, and still had time to make a magnificent meal for dinner!

Big thanks to Liz for her asparagus recipe. They were rockin'!

Tonights menu:

Oven roasted asparagus and asian-style salmon filets :) YUM!

I drizzled the asparagus with olive oil and tossed them with fresh ground pepper and a little salt. The salmon, I drizzled light soy sauce, olive oil, fresh ground pepper and ground garlic. Baked both at 375 for about 20 minutes, tossing both halfway through.

Looking at these pictures makes me want seconds....yum!!!

Biggest Loser, credit union style

2010-04-21T21:05:00.003-07:00

For the last 12 weeks, myself a group of my coworkers have been participating in a biggest loser contest. It's something I've done with different groups at different branches, and it really helps me get a jumpstart on my personal goals. The first time we had the contest, I lost around 35 pounds.

The winner, Michelle, lost a total of 9% of her body weight! She won the contest by far, and looks amazing! All in all, our group lost about 50 pounds. Not too shabby (or should I say flabby?) ;)

The best part about all of this is they want to keep going! Even after 12 weeks, we've all agreed to keep holding our weekly motivational meetings and weigh-ins. I love when we all work together for one common goal :)

I challenged the group to lose 10% of their starting weight, a lofty goal, for sure, but one that will prove beneficial for ALL of us. I have about 7% more to go.

Thank you all for your kind words and picking me up when I was down. I know I'm not a failure at all, I just need to keep my spirits high. Writing helps me accomplish that :)

Part 2: American Idol, according to Malena

2010-04-20T19:51:00.003-07:00

Another week, another set of mediocre singers.

I feel a sad Andrew absence. When all 7 remaining contestants walked out on stage when the show started, I shead a hypothetical tear. Oh well, he had his chance!

Casey - He had no stage presence tonight. I want to see him walking around on stage, jamming! He stood in one spot the whole time and tried to be animated doing only that. It doesn't work that way! The song was good, no complaints there. Maybe a liiiiitle bit more UMPH?

Lee - I love how when he looks at the camera, it's like he's looking through your SOUL. I love it! He looked specially handsome tonight. He's just...mmm! OK, focus Malena. Interesting song choice. Mixed feelings? I give it a 7 out of 10. He was horribly out of tune at the end, but good chorus.

Tim - I'm writing this as he's talking about the song he's about to sing. Thing is, I LOVE THIS SONG. He'd better not mess it up. I'll keel him. 30 seconds later: Keel me. He butchered it. Out of tune, BORING, and no soul. Send him HOOOOOOME! Next.

Aaron - Again, writing this before I hear the performance. It's a great song and he's sounding great in the practice...
Best performance EVER, and I don't even like him! I was very impressed. A couple out of tune spots, but overall very nice. I'll keep him another week!

Siobhan - Meh. She tried WAY too hard. Watching her face contort was actually kind of painful. The high, long note was the only good part about the performance.

Michael - Not quite sure how this song qualifies as an inspirational song. Just because it has the word Hero in it doesn't mean it's a positive song. Odd. Anyway, very weird performance. I didn't really like it! He does a really good job with soulful songs, but everything else falls short, in my opinion. Not a good night for him.

Crystal - I got temporarily distracted during her performance by stalking a TV personality online. Whoops!
Very good performance. Even the crying at the end was OK! 9/10. I think she'll win...

Until next week. Well, the AI part, at least.

Love you all!

Real change

2010-04-19T22:05:00.003-07:00

How do you know when you're ready to change?

I mean truly change--I'll never look back type of change.

Sometimes I think the reason I have such a hard time changing is because I'm not ready. I may SAY I'm ready and truly believe it, but why is it that I still fail when I try?

More specifically I'm referring to weight loss. Why is it that I set myself up in every way possible to succeed, but I can never reach my goal? I may do well for months, but inevitably I fail. Was it because I wasn't ready to begin with? Was it because I wasn't in the right mindset?
Was it because that's not what I need to be focusing on at that time in my life?

I met a woman online the other day on an online forum who, after the horrible breakup with her boyfriend, decided to change her life. She went on to lose 120 pounds in 4 months. I'm not advocating that type of weight loss in any way, but does it take something drastic like that for most people to change? I have my reasons for wanting to change, but are they not deep enough?

I want to change so badly. I hate the way my life has become. I'm not happy like I used to be and the very thought of changing everything about myself makes me ill because my track record of success has been null.

I went through a horrible experience in September involving a friend. I vowed after that trauma to change the way I live. Instead of that, I went into a deep depression I can't seem to get myself out of.

I look forward every day to changing the way I am, but the execution just isn't there. What's wrong with my process?

Goals for the week of April 19

2010-04-18T23:35:00.003-07:00

I like this weekly goal thing I started last week!

This week, on top of getting to work on time, I'm going to focus on eating a full breakfast. This includes a dairy, starch, fat, and protein serving.

Any meal ideas that would include all of those items?

The Nicholas Sparks complex

2010-04-18T00:45:00.003-07:00

There are 4 basic requirements for every Nicholas Sparks film. I know he writes books, but we're not going to get into that right now.

1: Death
2: Rain
3: Romeo/Juliet relationship
4: A break up/reconciliation

Yet, we women spend millions and millions of dollars in tissues alone just to flock to a horribly depressing movie, throwing all suspension of disbelief to the wind, and there, sometime in that 1 hour and 47 minutes, our fairly tale dreams grow just a little bit more.

I have a love/hate relationship with Nicholas Sparks. On one hand, he feeds the very park of me that craves a sappy chick flick, but then again, half the tears I cry during his films are from the fact that the acting is amateur, at best.

As I sat through "The Last Song" tonight and heard my friend two seats over bawling her eyes out, I thought, why do we subject ourselves to this torture? This is not how love is! Death does not have a happy ending like it does in the movies. So, why do we continue to eat it up?

Educate me.

I'm off to watch the end of "Nights in Rodanthe". No one has died. Yet.

Week in review

2010-04-16T23:52:00.003-07:00

As promised, I'm reporting back on making it to work on time this week.

I made 4 out of 5 days right on the dot. Thursday morning, I discovered my route to work was blocked off due to construction, so I had to take an alternate route. Despite leaving home 10 minutes early, I still clocked in one minute late! Lame! Well, I can always improve next week.

Because I've started waking up earlier, I've been able to sneak in a quick breakfast nearly every morning (where the smoothie recipe request came from), which really made my whole working day better.

To end my week, my boss, on his way out for the week, dropped off two movie tickets at my desk. What a great week! Small changes yield the greatest results :)

I've neglected my ritual of catching up on all your blogs. Off I go to read, read, read!

Carrot cake, anyone?

2010-04-15T22:39:00.004-07:00

Ahh, thank you ALL so much for your recipe ideas yesterday! I love them all, and will probably be taking a variation of every one of them :)

According to little Miss Senf (Rachel!) I should not be asking for recipes, but sharing my own!

I shuffled through my favorites to find one perfect for today. Please note how I like to arrange my food splattered and stained recipes:

Best ever freakin' delicious carrot cake with cream cheese frosting

Cake:
4 eggs
1 1/2 C oil (I use Canola)
2 C white sugar
2 t vanilla
2 C flour
2 t baking soda
2 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
2 t ground cinnamon
3 C grated carrots
1 C chopped pecans (optional--I don't add them)

Frosting:
1/2 C butter, softened
8 oz cream cheese, softened
4 C powdered sugar
1 t vanilla
1 C chopped pecans (optional--I don't add them)

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350. Grease 2 round or 1 9 x 13 pans (I prefer the round pans to make a layered cake)

The recipe says to combine the dry and wet ingredients seperately and then combine together, but I just throw it all in a huge bowl and mix it at once. Yes, I'm lazy :)

Bake until an inserted toothpick comes out clean (40-50 minutes depending on the pans you're using) I'm pretty sure I cooked it less, but I like ultra moist cake.

Let the cake sit in pan(s) for 10 minutes, then let cool completely on a wire rack. I usually let them sit overnight.

Beat the ingredients for the frosting in a bowl until smooth and have at it!

It has carrots, so it must be healthy, right?!

I made this cake for Kelly's birthday. It was freakin' delicious, but she said it was too RICH! See if I ever make a cake for you again, Kelly! :P

Need recipes

2010-04-14T23:03:00.002-07:00

I need two good tried and true recipes.

1: Smoothie. Must have no added sugar and less than 5 ingredients. I have strawberries and bananas as the main fruits.

2: Roasted asparagus, or any other variety of cooking. Not many more ingredients other than asparagus and oil.

I have these three cartons of strawberries and bunch of asparagus I need to get rid of tomorrow.

Thanks much :)

American Idol, according to Malena

2010-04-13T20:43:00.003-07:00

Now that I have a DVR, I've actually started watching shows other than The Office, like American Idol! While this season of AI leaves a lot to be desired, I still have a few comments and observations. Feel free to chime in and give your two cents :)

(Comments are based on tonight's episode as well as the season as a whole)

Crystal - The dreads are getting old. I do like her, and I like that she's consistent, but I can't look at her anymore.

Andrew - By far my favorite. I may or may not have actually fallen in love with him when he first auditioned. I know he's known as a one-hit-wonder, and I believe it's true, too, but I still love him. He completely screwed up his chances tonight, though. Adam Lambert was spot on when he told him his pre-performance was boring and I'm sad he didn't take his advice to pump the song up. He'll be gone tomorrow, for sure.

Tim - UGH!!! Why is he still there?! I KNEW he couldn't sing since day one, but week after week they keep him on. I can't stand him. His voice is OK during a chord, but once it tapers off, he sounds like a frog that got stuck in a garbage disposal. Tonight was just added to the fact that I very much dislike him. It was horrible! I don't care what anyone say. Boooooooo!!! *Throws a virtual tomato*

Lee - He's a sexy man. Not gonna lie. He's good sometimes, but other times he misses the UMPH. Tonight was stellar and very intense. I'm not sure he's #1 material, but I wouldn't be surprised if he makes it far! Pardon me while I go stare at him a little longer...

Aaron - I don't like him. But, I was pleasantly surprised tonight! I didn't look at my TV once because every time I see his face I cringe--there's just something about it! Not looking at the TV helped me like tonight's performance. Despite this, I think he's out soon. Or, I hope so :)

Siobhan - Meh. Forgetable. I haven't paid too much attention to her this season. She was pretty good tonight, but she fluffs up songs WAY too much. Not my taste, what can I say.

Michael - Great performance tonight. I've never heard that song before, but coming from him, it was like a brand new song that just came out. The ONLY thing I don't like about him is that he wasn't there for his baby's birth. I know that's trivial, but I've never quite gotten over it. He could very well make it to the top two :)

Katie - Isn't she like 16? I kind of like her, I guess, but she'd be better off leaving and getting professional lessons and coming back in a few years. I don't see much of anything special about her. Meh.

Casey - He definitely seemed off tonight. I didn't see the UMPH he usually gives, and that was very disappointing! He's not my favorite, but I also don't hate him. Possibly in the top...hm...5.

P.S. Woke up at 6:40 today, got to work 3 minutes early and brought my lunch again :)

It made all the difference!

2010-04-12T21:58:00.001-07:00

This morning started off rough. I woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep until 4:30 which made it significantly harder to wake up at 6. After pressing the snooze button until 7 (whoops!) I finally dragged myself out of bed.

I didn't get everything done that I wanted to, but I did bring my lunch and I was 5 minutes early to work, even after hitting traffic!

I felt so good this morning. I ate a significant, healthy breakfast because I wasn't too rushed and I'm glad I didn't blow money at yet another fast food joint for lunch.

I can't wait to wake up even earlier tomorrow! Tonights goal: 30 minutes of exercise and to bed by 11! I only have an hour left...

I have a goal...

2010-04-11T21:53:00.002-07:00

For this week. Every day this week!

I'm not going to be late to work. [Late for me is about 3 minutes] I hate that I'm always late! I just need to get my butt up 3 minutes earlier (or more) and I'll be set...but NOOOOO...I have to press my snooze button 30 times!

You all can feel free to check up on me by Friday. I'm off to bed! I need my beauty sleep :)

Dog in boots

2010-04-11T01:15:00.005-07:00

I had to buy baby socks today.

No, I'm not pregnant. :)

Beesley's been scratching horribly lately because of hot spots, and after spending a ton of money on remedies I found online, I finally had to put a stop to the scratching right from the source--his paws.

Yes, those are socks on his paws. He looks so HAPPY, doesn't he?!

Poor dog. Hopefully this will help!

Blegh!, cont.

2010-04-09T23:34:00.004-07:00

Anaise brought up a good point in the comments of yesterday's blog.

Why don't I start a garden? Here's why:

That's the extent of my "garden". I'd also like to note that this picture was taken on the day these flowers were planted (they were pre-grown) and within 2 weeks, they were all dead.

What is one to do when they don't have the room for a garden? Or obviously not blessed with a green thumb?

I'm stuck eating grocery store produce :(

Blegh!

2010-04-08T23:27:00.002-07:00

I went to the grocery store today for the first time in a few weeks (I do a good job of making my food last!). I'm so disgusted with how bad food products have gotten. I've always been an advocate of home cooking--got that from my mom, the future cook in the celestial kingdom :)

It might have been the fact that I watched Food, Inc., or it might be the fact that I've been feeling like crap lately and I know exactly why--processed foods.

I'm sitting here watching an episode of Unwrapped on the Food Network and they're making Grandma's brand chocolate chip cookies. They had the audacity to call them homemade! Seriously...tell me how ANY part of those cookies is homemade. If you add ingredients we can't even pronounce and they last for 3 decades, THEY'RE NOT HOMEMADE!

When you go to the grocery store and buy a package of oven roasted turkey (on sale this week 2/$5.00) do you realize that only like 1% of that "meat" is acually meat? Or, when you go to the deli and have them slice "fresh" turkey that's in the shape of a large ice cube--that's not real meat either!

I browsed the meat section to see what was on sale, and I almost bought a pork roast...until I saw on the label "contains up to 20% salt and other nutrients for taste". So, you're buying 80% (maybe) meat and 20% a whole lot of other crap your body doesn't need.

I'm not trying to criticize anyone for buying this food, I'm guilty of it, too! But, why is that the norm now? It literally makes me sick to buy food like this now. If even find myself questioning if the "whole wheat flour" I buy for my bread in the nice 5 lb. bag is REALLY whole wheat flour. I'd try to buy it from a local farmer and grind it myself, but how do I know they didn't spray the plants with some kind of harmful chemical to keep bugs away?

I don't know. Call me paranoid, but I think this world has become WAY too naive for our own good.

Grooming school drop-out!

2010-04-07T22:38:00.005-07:00

Tonight I attempted to groom Beesley. Figuring I can save myself a boat-load of money by doing his grooming myself, I invested in an electric shaver.

Can you tell which side I did and which side I didn't do? (Humor me, please ;)

Side 1

Side 2

Petrified dog!

My pant leg was COVERED in hair. I think I have magnetic pants!

Half of the hair I trimmed off. The other half is all over me.

I don't think I should quit my day job...

Did you know...

2010-04-07T00:17:00.005-07:00

My mom is selling her house!

The huge yellow For Sale sign was put out yesterday. Here are the pictures from the realtor, complete with the remodeled bathroom (do any of you remember what it used to look like? Double toilets!)

Goodbye 24 years of memories :(

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2010-04-05T21:42:00.003-07:00

I'm so out of my element today.

I've had a raging temper for about 2-3 weeks now. I throw things. I scream. I tense up my whole body, and then I vent.

What's wrong with this (besides the obvious) is I have NEVER had a temper before. I had a blow-up at work today (luckily only one person witnessed it) and tonight, when I decided to upload my pics from my digital camera to my laptop to post on this blog--and it didn't work--I freaked out!

Lord, please bless me with patience. I'm about to go insane. Literally.

So, don't get after me for not posting the Easter update like I promised--I might have a nervous breakdown!

Maybe I need a new mantra...

I'm alive!

2010-04-04T23:13:00.002-07:00

I'm so sorry I haven't kept up with my blog all weekend! I had limited internet access in Utah and I couldn't connect from my laptop.

I've been driving for 11 hours today and am SUPER tired, so I'm going to post a big blog tomorrow with a bunch of pics from my trip and Easter! I wanted to let those who read this know I'm still here :)

Wet dog = YUCK!!!

2010-03-31T23:18:00.004-07:00

I feel like I have a messy kid.

Well, I kind of do--his name is Beesley and he has 4 legs and a tail.

In preparation for our Utah trip tomorrow (and hour upon hour in a cramped car with three adults and a dog), I decided to give him a bath tonight. My house now REEKS of wet dog, laundry and bread. The last two aren't too bad, but in combination with the wet dog, I'm seriously considering sleeping in my car.

Next time around: I'm getting a hairless dog. Or, they'll be shaved every week.

Too bad he's cute all wet, eh?

Malena vs. Motivation

2010-03-30T22:18:00.001-07:00

There are some days when I feel SO GOOD! and I'm pretty positive I can take on the world. I feel like that right now.

But then, I get discouraged thinking of all the dozens and dozens of times I've failed and just how miserable of a climb this whole journey is going to be.

Is it realistic to be 100% positive 100% of the time? No.

Can I bottle up how I feel right now and take a peek into the full jar later when I'm on the verge of giving up and throwing my emotions into a large order of french fries? I wish.

I need to figure out a way to do just that.

Any suggestions?

Homesick

2010-03-29T22:46:00.004-07:00

I miss my family.

I never thought I'd say it, but I'm HOMESICK!

Off to Utah in 3 days...

Waffles or bonfire ash?

2010-03-28T22:40:00.003-07:00

I decided to make waffles this morning.

I can't tell if they actually look edible (they weren't!). Those brown ashy looking bits are chocolate chips. I guess it didn't work out quite as I expected them to!

I didn't have milk, so I found a recipe that called for heavy cream. Why I had heavy cream and not milk is still a mystery to me!

Hey, trial and error, right?

My favorite website of all time is allrecipe's ingredient search. During the time of the month when I'm running low on basic groceries, I always find some creative recipe to make with what I have. I HATE running to the store to buy one or two things you need for one meal, so my rule is: if I don't have it, then I don't make it. It saves a ton of money! :)

Allrecipes: 1 Me: 0

Mantras

2010-03-27T23:29:00.002-07:00

One day at a time.

I've been repeating it for nearly 2 months now. Why?

During one of my many weight-loss endeavors, I attended a 12 week course through a local hospital run by a licensed psychologist. One of the first things we discussed was the importance of mantras--phrases you repeat to yourself subconsciously. The hope is, through the literal beating of the phrase into your head, that it'll eventually sink in. A lot of people practice this for such things as boosting self-esteem, breaking bad habits, and for me, it's to stop me from crashing and losing hope.

So, on a day like today, where I just feel *blah*, I ate too much, and I had a severe lack of motivation, I just keep repeating to myself: Take it all one day at a time. There is no failure. There are no let downs because you get to start all over again tomorrow.

A new day has come :) And it will be better than yesterday.

Friday, March 26. I swear!

2010-03-27T01:02:00.003-07:00

It's 1:15am on Saturday, but I haven't had a spare minute to write my blog yet! This counts as Friday's blog :D I went out with some girl friends tonight for a much needed dinner/movie/gab session. Oh, how I love getting out of the house!

The work news is that I'm getting a promotion, of sorts. My boss told me yesterday that he and I are moving to a different floor to start an exclusive department (my "department" has always been obsorbed by other, larger departments, me being the head, and several random employees acting as my back-ups). The hope is to hire a third person to help us, but for now, we get to do allllll the work. I'm excited and terrified at the same time.

Remember this blog? I started on Monday and I'm doing pretty well. So far I've gone on a 30 minute (actually 28 minute) bike ride, walked Beesley to the park, cleaned my room for 15 mintues, and today, I read an uplifting article. Here it is!

Is it a coincidence that when I'm doing the things I'm supposed to be doing (IE: work), amazing opportunities come into my life? I think not :)

What a day!

2010-03-25T21:40:00.002-07:00

I don't think I've ever had a day where I've gone through such a scope of emotions.

The day started off fine, but something odd happened at work and I was in a serious panic for almost the rest of the day.

I might have a big problem with overreacting. It was horrible!

Come to find out, my agony was all in vain. Something REALLY good happened today (but I can't tell you until tomorrow!)

I'm SO exhausted and I still haven't finished the "task" I drew today: clean my room for 15 mintues.

More to come tomorrow :)

An idle mind is the devil's workshop

2010-03-24T21:19:00.004-07:00

Did I ever explain why I started this blog?

One reason was the fact that I love getting comments, praise, and suggestions from everyone, so thank you to those who have faithfully commented! Especially Anaise, who, despite the fact that she's the mother of 5 (6? 7?) girls, she still finds the time to comment, every day.

My main reason is boredom.

"Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need. "
--Voltaire

If I have a goal--writing a daily blog--then I have something to focus on to distract me from the things I have trouble controlling. I can control how, when, and why I blog and in return I get a chunk of my day devoted to something uplifting and positive instead of sitting on my duff doing nothing.

So, thank you again for stopping by and aiding in my progression.

My behavior style

2010-03-23T21:24:00.002-07:00

This morning I spent over 2 hours in a mentor meeting at work. What did I learn?

I'm a control freak! (Shut up Kelly)

Not just any control freak, but more specifically my "behavior style" is that of an owl. Characteristics of a (human) owl are we are detail-oriented, organized, we love facts, figures, and accuracy, we listen well and remember everything, we don't tolerate change well, need validation in everything we do, and are unemotional.

It's scary how true that all is in my work life.

What does this mean?

It means I finally realize why work has been so crappy lately. I got moved to a new office 6 months ago, and it's been weird ever since. I'm out of my element. I have a new supervisor who I'm not used to, I had to change up my daily routine, and my desk isn't quite organized the way I'd like it.

I may not be able to solve all of my problems in life, but it's nice to get insight sometimes about why I am the way I am. My tendancy is to treat other people like they're also "owls", but that's not the case. I believe that identifying my weaknesses will only help me do better and succeed in the way I used to.

Click here to take your own behavioral style test. (It's free provided you enter in a valid email address) It's not the exact same as the one I took at work, but maybe you can find out a little bit about yourself, too :)

Lessons from the real doctor

2010-03-22T22:14:00.003-07:00

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer
yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know
what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss

I wish I could quote this whole book because it's so great! It's amazing how you can learn more from 10 pages of a child's book than you can learn from a brick-sized adult novel.

I've been focusing on my confidence lately. I used to have so much of it, but for whatever reason, I find myself constantly pushing negative thoughts through my mind and putting myself and others down. I think it all stems from a lack of confidence and self-worth.

My hope is to overcome some doubts and major issues I have in regards to my job and my social life.

How do I accomplish this?

First, I'm going to surround myself with positive people only.

Second, nothing negative is allowed to come out of my mouth.

Third, I'm not really sure yet. Let me master the first two first :)

Time for bed. I wish I had a copy of "Oh, the places you'll go!" to read for my bedtime story!

Move along

2010-03-21T22:32:00.003-07:00

I have to share one of my favorite songs. This song has served many purposes in the few years since it was released. Not only is it my favorite work-out song (I love upbeat songs), but it has a fairly good message--a message that I've needed to hear all week.

Despite the fact that it's Sunday (for those of you that are still awake), go ahead and give it a listen.

It's a new week. Whatever wrong turns I made this past week I now have a chance to correct. Moving along is all I can do, and boy, am I looking forward to it!

A woman's quest for good BBQ

2010-03-20T22:19:00.004-07:00

Today was TORTURE. It all began last night...

My work is in downtown Chandler where several big events are held each year, one of them being the 1st Annual BBQ Cook-Off. For the last hour of work, all the vendors started setting up so they could cook through the night.

When I arrived at work this morning, I knew I was in trouble. The smell of BBQ was overwhelming once I stepped out of my car. Unfortunately, my desk is right next to a window and I had to spend 4 GRUESOME hours watching hundreds and hundreds of patrons walk by the booths of amazing smelling BBQ ribs, brisket, and chicken. All I had to do was make it to 1:00 and then it was my turn to partake of the delicious animals I was watching everyone else devour! At one point I even put up a sign on my window that said "Feed Me! Please?"

My friend Kelly met me at my work at 1:00 and we stood in a ridiculously long line (a lot longer than I had expected!) to get into the event. About 20 minutes in and about 20 people away from the entrance, they announced...THEY HAD RUN OUT OF FOOD! They were still letting people in, but most vendors were running out. What the heck!!! I was devastated. After hours of torture, I didn't even get a single bite of food. The worst part was, the even was supposed to go on for another 7+ hours.

Apparently Phoenix Metro is starved for good BBQ! I hope next year they plan ahead, and I will plan to NOT work :)

The quest for good BBQ continues...

On a happier note, I went to the Phoenix Coyotes NHL game and got to sit in a suite next to Alice Cooper. The game was AWESOME! Phoenix won in double OT!

I luff scruff!

2010-03-19T23:35:00.004-07:00

My name is Malena and I love scruffy men.

There. I said it!

I saw Bounty Hunter tonight. The only part I liked about it was the fact that Gerard Butler had scruff. Oh man! I love it!

Here are my favorite celebrity scruffs:

Gerard Butler--Bounty Hunter

Matthew Goode--Leap Year

And my ALL TIME favorite celebrity scruffer, John Krasinski--The Office.

I bet if you put scruff on Donald Trump, he'd be a good looking man, too!

I'm off to dreamland. I bet you know who'll be in them tonight!

Bread craze!

2010-03-18T22:18:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I pulled out my dusty bread maker and made a DELICIOUS loaf of whole wheat bread! There is no way the bread you buy in the store can be good for you, considering it can sit in your fridge for months and never go bad. My solution? Do it myself!

Isn't she a beauty?! :D

Here's the super easy recipe:

1 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
2 tablespoons white sugar
1 (.25 ounce) package bread machine yeast
1/4 cup vegetable oil (I use canola oil)
2 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon salt

I usually add 2 T honey, too.

Place the water, sugar and yeast in the pan of the bread machine. Let the yeast dissolve and foam for 10 minutes. Add the oil, flour, honey and salt to the yeast. Select Wheat Bread setting, and press Start.

Yield 1 - 1 1/2 lb. loaf

Enjoy! :)

Bee boxes

2010-03-17T22:17:00.002-07:00

I stumbled upon a local farm co-op that sells boxes of produce to the community each week. You get to pick your location (there are literally hundreds in my area alone), and time of pick-up and you get this box FULL of amazingly good fruit and veggies!

I picked up my first box yesterday. I got:
5 pound bag of potatoes
2 artichokes
2 zucchini
6 tomatoes
1 package celery
1 head romaine lettuce
2 cantaloupes
6 apples
1 box strawberries
1 box blackberries
5 bananas

I'm so dang excited! I love that this will entice me to eat triple the amount of fresh (and local!) fruits and veggies.

I just had to share :)

www.greenbeeproduce.com

They deliver to Arizona and Utah. If you're in one of these locations and don't have a pick-up location near you, you can become a host.

/end shameless plug :D

Oregon!

2010-03-16T21:57:00.007-07:00

Thanks everyone (Anaise--who I think is the only one still left :D) for your patience. I called in sick to work today and got some much needed rest. I feel 90% better!

Per Anaise's request, here are some of the shots I got in Oregon.

The Anderson family, according to Taylor: (notice Bente's middle name is spelled "Louyz" (should be Louise) and Alice's middle name is spelled "Mery" (should be Marie)!)

The Andy Clan. I promise, they are all a lot happier than they look! :)

Taylor helping make my first ever apple pie!

All the kids. Alice looks SO happy!

Taylor wearing Auntie Malena's glasses

Alice displaying the classic Anderson deer-caught-in-the-headlights look!

Mini Lindsay

Cutie Patootie all ready for church!

Feeding Alice some Sunday brunch. Yummm!!!

Sorry bloggers...

2010-03-15T22:15:00.001-07:00

I've been sick all day and I'm completely beat. I had to force myself to get up and write this blog, so the blog all about my trip to Oregon is going to have to wait one more day.

Until next time...

Back in AZ tomorrow...

2010-03-14T23:14:00.003-07:00

Just stopping by to say I'll be back tomorrow to post a REAL blog :)

It's 11:15 and I'm TIRED and flying back to Arizona tomorrow.

Adios for now!

Meet Alice!

2010-03-13T22:59:00.003-07:00

Here's my new niece, Alice. I met her for the first time today!

Anaise, I'll post pictures of Bente' and Taylor at the end of the day tomorrow :)

Greetings from Oregon!

2010-03-12T19:31:00.004-07:00

I flew to Bend, Oregon today to see my brother and his family. My sister-in-law had their third child in October and this is my first time meeting her! Unfortunately she's in California until tomorrow, but I did get to spend time with my niece and nephew, Bente' and Taylor.

I don't know how much time I'll have to blog while I'm here, but I thought I'd share a picture Taylor drew which had me in stitches. Enjoy!

P.S. Is that a cat or a dog? ;)

Brief moments of inspiration

2010-03-11T20:57:00.002-07:00

I am a genius.

One of the things I struggle with the most is the basics of dieting--drink 64 oz. of water a day, exercise 60 minutes a day, eat 5 fruits/veggies a day, etc. If I had to do EACH of these every single day for the rest of my life, I might die of fruit overdose.

Today, I came up with a BRILLIANT plan to try to incorporate each of these things into my daily life.

I made a list of things I want to start doing daily or weekly, and each morning, I pick one thing out of a jar. For that entire day, I must focus 100% on the goal. My hope is I can start to enjoy these activities, so I don't feel obligated and guilty when I DON'T do them. No more intimidation of never living up to the 10,583 standards dieters are subject to!

Here's my list so far:

Drink 64 oz. of water
Take Beesley on a 30 minute walk
Walk to the park and play fetch with Beesley
Take Beesley to the dog park
Use treadmill while watching one episode of L & O:SVU (I have 89 episodes on my DVR) :D
Clean house for 3-15 minute intervals
Eat 5 different fruits
Eat 5 different veggies
Reward day! Indulge in one craving.
Write TWO blogs in one day
Go for a half hour bike ride
Do something REALLY nice for someone
No sugar ALL day!
Go vegetarian!
Try a new recipe
Read an uplifting article (conference talks!)
Clean the kitchen spotless!

Can anyone think of anything else I should add? Comments are much appreciated!

By the way, YOU ALL ROCK!

Love, Me.

Goals

2010-03-10T20:30:00.003-07:00

I've always secretly been afraid of setting goals. I mean, I've set goals before, but most of the time it's just because I have good intentions, but have no real desire to meet them. Today, that all changed.

Amidst workplace boredom and thousands of supportive electronic "friends" (www.sparkpeople.com), I set my first real goal:

Lose 55 pounds by 12/31!

An easily attainable goal, some might say, but to me, it's going to be the hardest thing I ever do.

Lucky for all my readers, you get to witness it--every step of the way.

Step one: Get my butt in gear and start becoming active! As soon as I'm done writing this I'm going to go take Beesley on a walk!

Back blogging:
Who is my mystery commentator? You said you love my blog, but I don't know who you are! By the way, I love you more.
Anaise gets the coolest cousin award--she's commented on my blog every day this week! I'm sure your sick baby appreciates you taking time out to comment on my blog! :D

Are you free for dinner tonight?

2010-03-09T22:20:00.004-07:00

For the married crowd, if you could offer the world one piece of advice when it comes to the art of seeking that special someone, what would it be?

While I'm not persuing and have not actually been in an established relationship before, I feel like I sometimes know more about life than the average active dater.

Here is what I've learned by observation:
* Do not sit by your phone and wait for his/her call (or text) and pick-up on the first ring. This is a sign of desperation. To go along with that, do not call, text, email, stop by and visit 25 times in a day. This is creepy.
* If he/she doesn't have some sort of contact with you every 30 seconds, DO NOT READ INTO IT!
* If you haven't had a date in 10 years, do not blame the other sex. Men (or women) do not conspire to make your life miserable. If your usual tactics do not work, it's time to change said tactics.
* Do not plan your wedding/children/the next 50 years together because you like him/her. Go with the flow and let things progress naturally. You cannot fantasize progress. 99.9% of the time things will not go as planned anyway.
* If you like someone and you're not sure if they like you back, ASK THEM OUT! Stewing over such things will only put stupid ideas in your head.
* If you're actively dating one person and you're not sure where you stand, FIGURE IT OUT! Stewing over such things will only put stupid ideas in your head.
* If you want to break things off with someone, DO IT! Stewing over such things will only put stupid ideas in your head.
* Stewing over anything will only put stupid ideas in your head.
* Games are for kids. Grow up and quit making rules about everything.

Did I miss anything?

I feel bad for the poor sucker who ends up with me :D

Bonus points go to the person who can guess where the title of this blog came from...

Cravings

2010-03-08T18:12:00.002-07:00

How do you control cravings?

I'm doing REALLY well with my cravings (specifically fast food), but that doesn't mean things are going to be hunky-dory 24/7/the rest of my life. Eventually these cravings will creep back up on me, and I need to be 100% prepared.

For those of you (Aunt Judy!!) who have given up sugar and other crave-o-load substances, how did you do it?! Guide me, o wise blog followers...

Would do you think about doing a 48 (or so) hour detox? I'm looking for ANY suggestions...

P.S. My brother, Lindsay, is going to help me possibly set-up my own website for my blogs. Stay tuned :)

Before and after...

2010-03-07T22:53:00.014-07:00

I thought I'd share some before/after photos from my condo. It's been a while since I've talked about it!

Dining room

Before--storage?

After--cute enough to eat in!

Living room

Before--managed chaos

Before--clean and homey!

P.S. Why is it so %#@$^*& hard to upload pics on this stupid site? Do you know how long this entry took me to create?!!? TWO HOURS!!! Every time I upload a picture is messes up my spacing of the ENTIRE entry, so I have to start over. And, when I try to move a picture up or down, I can't drag it. I HATE IT!!! I've always had this problem, which is a big reason I didn't blog keep blogging before. I might switch to wordpress...maybe it'll help my blood pressure.

Has anyone one else run into these problems?!

Organic, or....

2010-03-06T23:29:00.002-07:00

I've been having this recurring thought that I should start eating organic....

Do I really want to? Kinda...

Can I afford it? Absolutely not!

Is it a phase? Probably, considering my whole life is a series of odd phases :)

I even found farm co-ops in the area--relatively cheap!

What do you think? Can I pull it off? I think watching Food, Inc. made me really see the harm I was doing to my body by eating fast food, processed, and chemically enhanced food. I'm finding it hard to stomach certain foods these days. The other day I bought a bag of dried apricots from Fresh & Easy and upon reading the label I saw Sulfur Dioxide...what the heck is that?! Do I really need to be putting some kind of perserving agent into my body unnecessarily?

Please discuss...

Progress report

2010-03-05T20:19:00.004-07:00

1,650
90.2
48
25
10
3.2

1,650 = the number of calories I'm allowed to eat in a day
90.2 = the number of miles I've biked to and from work
48 = the average number of raw almonds I consume in one day
25 = the number of days I've gone without filling up my gas tank
10 = how I'd rate my day today, out of 10
3.2 = the pounds I've lost since I started riding my bike to work

I hope you're all having a fabulous day, because I sure am! No work for 2 whole days!!!

Coming soon: Mach 75!

2010-03-04T17:40:00.002-07:00

I have way too much time to think at work. It's really affecting the kooky side of me. Today, as I was eating grapes out of a Zip-lock double zipper bag, I thought to myself, why the heck does this bag have a double zipper?! Seriously. Maybe if you guys had made the first zipper more sturdy, you wouldn't have a need to add a second one! Watch out, these killer grapes might escape and run rampant and terrorize Phoenix! I'm pretty sure my grapes don't run the risk of breaking the already too-thick bag. Sure, these bags might be great for meat, but if you really need two zippers to hold your meat in the bag, you should probably think about buying less vicious carcasses. (I'm pretty sure I could have added a "that's what she said" in there somewhere, but I shall refrain)

I bought some batteries the other day and with them I got a bonus Mach5 razor. What disposable razors have to do with batteries in the first place is beyond me. Anyway, this razor, true to its name had 5 BLADES. Really?! Apparently 4 blades just doesn't cut it--literally. Are there razors with more than 5 blades? I wouldn't be surprised. What genius over at the razor factory is going to invent the next new, state of the art razor?!
Why don't they just invent a razor with 75 blades where you can press it against your leg and move it up just one millimeter, and PRESTO! your leg is as smooth as the day you were born.

I should be an inventor, I tell ya!

Turning that frown upside-down

2010-03-03T21:04:00.002-07:00

You all know how miserable I've been lately (some more than others), and I try to avoid the things that trigger my depressive moods, such as being alone, talking negative, etc. These things work for a while, but that mood always creeps back up to me. Until yesterday.

I had the opportunity to do something nice for someone. A simple, thoughtful act. Within seconds my good mood ~~doubled~~ ~~tripled~~ quadrupled! I was astounded at how FAST I was able to kill that bad spirit and begin riding a high that has lasted me more than 24 hours.

Did I move mountains? No. Did it change the life of the person who I helped? Probably not. But it did change my life in a small way? Absolutely, yes.

I challenge you to do something nice for someone else this week. It doesn't have to be life changing. But, who knows. Maybe it really will change the life of the person most important--you!

Back blog:
I appreciate all of your comments even more than you can imagine. I wish I knew how to thank you all properly, but I'm at a loss for words when I read all the kind things you guys write to me! Your love is what keeps me going :)

Someone is watching out for me...

2010-03-02T18:24:00.002-07:00

I had a rough night last night. I really don't know what it was, but I just needed a good cry, I think. Thanks to my mom for being the unfortunate saint at the other end of the line as she listened to me ramble unintelligible sentences.

I've been working on seeing a counselor for months now, and I was at my wit's end. In an effort to try to reach one to schedule an appointment with (none of the previous inquiries had bothered to return my call), I, very much like a lunatic, began dialing any number I could find off the list of insurance approved psychiatrists. I left voicemail after voicemail each click of the phone making my heart sink even more at the though that, again, one would just brush me off.

I dialed the number of one psychiatrist whom shares my last name, and at 11:00 at night, I hear a "Hello?"

Finally. Someone cared.

She didn't let me get off that phone call for nearly 40 minutes. I left with her office number, cell number, and even her fax number and a promise, to be there, waiting for me at 6:00 on Wednesday.

I can't express how grateful I am that someone finally took the initiative to hear me out and talk to me like a human being. With every ignored call a literal slap in the face, I'm glad someone was there to pick me up.

Never underestimate the effect you have on someone in need.

Take the inititave and be that kind of person for someone else. There is nothing more angelic.

The Buried Blog

2010-03-01T17:50:00.003-07:00

What do you want to do before you die?

Anyone ever watched The Buried Life on MTV? It's a relatively new show about a group of young men who made a list and have set out on a quest to fulfill everything they want to do before they die.

I'm sure every one of us have set goals of things we want to accomplish throughout our lifetime, and besides the standard responses like "get married" and "have kids" (both of which I want to do), what do you REALLY want to do before you die?

Here's my top 5:
1: Visit all 50 states (Sara, I'm so envious of you...)
2: Go to an Arizona Cardinals game
3: Live in New York City
4: Get a stamp in my passport
5: Be an inspiration to others

What's your top 5?

Check out this tear-jerking video. I cry every time I watch it!

Vindicated

2010-02-26T11:37:00.004-07:00

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

Loss is a subjective word. Did I lose my willpower? Did I lose my focus? Did I lose my dedication? Have I lost my faith? Am I losing my job? Did I lose my best friend? Am I about to lose my mind? What exactly is loss?

Loss is my temporary still.

Loss inspires hope.

Loss has been my vindication.

So mesmerizing,
so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I literally feel change brewing. I can taste it. I can hear it. How do I find it? Only through the faith of others and the fervor of one imperfect person...

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

This is where I begin: to go back to basics, to begin anew, and find out who I am.

This is my journey.

Earth to my blog readers...

2010-02-25T20:53:00.003-07:00

I've been thinking about doing a DAILY blog. Yes, daily! Anyone interested in reading it?

Live changes, diets, Beesley, work, etc. I'm going to discuss it all!

Shoot me a comment to let me know if I'm going to actually have some followers :)

Dear Dad

2009-09-26T17:52:00.002-07:00

Only you could fill the void I feel inside right now. Why did you have to go so early? 4 years ago I didn't know what I was missing. Why do I now feel remorse for words left unsaid. I never told you I Love You. I hope you know I do. When I'm down, I want my dad. After I moved out I used to avoid calling home because I was afraid you'd answer, and I didn't really want to talk to you. Now it makes me sick to think of how selfish I was. What I would give to be able to call home and have you answer. What I would give to take back the time I yelled that I hated you for not giving me something I wanted. You gave it to me anyway, because that's what dad's do. Did I ever say thank you?

Mom told me a few months ago that I was a daddy's girl when I was a child. I bet you were so proud of that. Would you be proud of me now, despite all the mistakes I've made? You loved mom at her best and her worst. I hope I can find a man like you, but I know I can't. You're greater than any man I know.

Every time I pass that exit in Flagstaff where Julia called to tell me you had passed on, I ache a little more. I kick myself every day for not leaving on November 25th. I stayed home because I wanted to sleep so I could be ready for the drive the next day. How selfish I was, again. I didn't make it in time to see your last day.

I remember a phone call from you, it might have been the last time I talked to you on the phone. You told me you were sitting in as a witness in the baptismal font of the temple, and you looked up and saw me sitting on the front row of the pews, watching you. You said you knew it wasn't me physically, but I was there with you in spirit. I guess in a way I did see you right before you died.

I hope you watch over me from up in heaven. It doesn't fill the void, but I like to think you know me and are proud of me. Watch over mom, too. I think we both need you now more than ever.

I love my dad, I hope I see you again someday.

Love,
Malena

Hidden Blessings

2009-06-17T22:15:00.003-07:00

God blessed me with an idiot filter.

I used to think my weight and looks were a downfall, but thanks to the kindness of an old friend, I realized something today...Heavenly Father has just been protecting me!

Let's pretend for a few minutes that I weigh 120 pounds. Most guys would be instantly drawn to me, I'd fit the attraction they are addicted to. I know we all have our own opinions on attraction, but the fact is that people are drawn to those that fit certain physical criteria.

Back to reality: I DON'T weigh 120 pounds, I have everything else going for me but THAT. If someone isn't attracted to me because of that one simple flaw, then they just lost out on an amazing opportunity. Sure, I'm not going to be a match for just anyone, but that's my point.

Heavenly Father has saved me from a lot of heartache. My idiot filter has weeded out those guys who aren't going to love me for ME. I don't have to put up with those that are shallow, liars, and thieves. The guy I end up with someday will be one lucky man, and I'll know he's for me because he will have made it through the filter. I know I'm an amazing person, and I know what I want in life. I'm in no hurry, divine courses are not to be rushed.

For all those of you out there who feel discouraged or worthless, remember that God has a plan for you, and who knows...maybe you have your own filter :)

Here he is!

2009-06-13T17:21:00.008-07:00

Meet Jared

It began at the beginning of Febuary. I'd been hanging around an online chatroom for a few weeks, mainly out of boredom...living alone does that to you. I'd talked to some interesting and pretty weird people on there. Jared joined the chatroom, and because of his screename I automatically assumed he was female, but to my surprise, he turned out to be a guy ;) He hung around for a while, and eventually we started talking in private, emailing, and as things progressed we exchanged phone numbers. What an awkward first phone conversation! I was sooo nervous.

About a month later there was talk of possibly meeting. We decided he was going to fly out here for a while so he could see how he likes Arizona, and see what happens between us. Long story short, he bought his ticket, booked his hotel, and before we knew it, he was on his way! What a roller coaster ride it has been to get to that point...

I picked him up from the airport on Sunday morning, May 31. I couldn't hardly stand still while I was watching the people shuffle out of the terminal. I kept thinking I saw him, but as the person got closer, I realized it wasn't him. I looked down at my cell phone to see if he'd texted and when I looked back up, there he was! He was standing in front of me with a big grin on his face. We both said hi and I gave him a big hug. I don't think I'll ever forget that meeting!

We had a lot of fun during the 6 days he was here. He came to church with me, we had friends over for dinner, we went to Holbrook to my old roommates ranch and went horseback riding, and we went spent some time in Sedona. One of his favorite things to do here was go to the old drive-in movie theater we still have in town, and when he found out we have Little Ceasar's Pizza here, he vowed to live here someday.

I didn't like that horse so much...

He's a natural!!

Chilling out in Holbrook...he's buff! :)

Us hiking in beautiful Sedona!

Jared's 29, he's was born and raised in Boston, and currently lives in Salem, NH. We don't know where things are going, but for now it's fun to have a new friend. We get along perfectly and have current and future endeavors in common. We'll see what happens! :)

Help

2009-05-09T10:29:00.002-07:00

I'm hurting and I don't know how to make myself feel better. I'm trying to get over a guy, but it's not something I've had to ever do before. I've been a basket case all week, and knowing you've all most likely been through it before, I figure I could enlist some help. A phone call, a visit, some advice, someone please answer my prayer.

Let's make the most of this beautiful day, since we're together I might as well say...

2009-04-25T17:22:00.006-07:00

As many of you have already witnessed on Facebook, I've been having some more neighbor problems...I suppose "problems" is an understatement, as I have had to call the police on him 4 times in the last 2 weeks. He is INSANE. That blog I wrote "Adventures in Homeownership, Part 1" was only the beginning...here's the story.

His name is Jim Sterkenberg. He's a middle-aged, single, chronically pissy man. I smile at him in passing in the parking lot, and all I get back is a scowl. I say hello when I see him outside, and somehow I become invisible. He's given me more problems than I ever thought one person could, and I have absolutely come to my wits end.

I could use pages and pages of words to tell all the stories of what this coward has done to make my life miserable, but I'll just let this video sum it all up. Listen to it, and I'll explain what it is.

From 10pm on Tuesday night to 6am on Wednesday morning, this pounding is ALL I heard. His unit is directly above me, and what he would do is go to every room and take something like a broom and pound on the floor a few times. He'd stop for a few minute and then go make the rounds to each room again. By 12:45 (right after this video was shot) I called the cops the first time. Throughout the night I called the cops 2 more times. I had to miss half a day at work because of this idiot, I didn't get even 20 minutes of sleep that night. At the end of the video you can hear water running loudly, this is my neighbors shower. When he has it on, I can hear it clear as day. He turned his shower on at 8:30pm on Tuesday and had it on alllllll the way until 7am on Wednesday.

"Won't you be, please won't you be my neighbor?"

One of those weeks...

2008-11-02T13:52:00.003-07:00

It's been a rough week, not gonna lie. I'm struggling with a lot of things, the main one being the fact that I feel very alone, even though I know I'm not. When I moved houses and wards, I lost a lot of old friends, and that's been extremely hard for me to deal with. Most people I know have a least one close friend they can call on, but I don't feel that way. I wish I did. Anyway...I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and kind of let it all out. I'm not looking for sympathy, but just trying to make it through the day. Who knows, maybe someone can benefit for this blog song...I know I did.

Here's the lyrics. It really is a great song. Funny how lyrics can pick you up when you're down...

Lady Antebellum
"One Day You Will"

You feel like you're falling backwards
Like you're slippin' through the cracks
Like no one would even notice
If you left this town and never came back
You walk outside and all you see is rain
You look inside and all you feel is pain
And you can't see it now

[Chorus]
But down the road the sun is shining
In every cloud there's a silver lining
Just keep holding on (just keep holding on)
And every heartache makes you stronger
But it won't be much longer
You'll find love, you'll find peace
And the you you're meant to be
I know right now that's not the way you feel
But one day you will

You wake up every morning and ask yourself
What am I doing here anyway
With the weight of all those disappointments
Whispering in your ear
You're just barely hanging by a thread
You wanna scream but you're down to your last breath
And you don't know it yet

[Chorus]

Find the strength to rise above
You will
Find just what you're made of, you're made of

[Chorus]

One day you will

Oh one day you will

Adventures in Homeownership, Part 1

2008-09-27T12:18:00.006-07:00

It's official: I'm a homeowner! Okay...it's been 4 weeks (to the day) since I've moved in, so that would explain my lack of bloggage. Actually, not really, since I still have no life and could have written hundreds of blogs in my spare time. What can I say, I'm a work in progress.

Nothing very exciting has happened, until yesterday. Lets just say I was officially welcomed into to the condominium complex by being yelled and cursed at by my neighbor. Yeah...here's the story;

I have known about a problem with my washer hookups for a few weeks now, and have just gotten around to hiring a handyman to come fix it for me, since the only skills I possess involve all things banking. My complex is apartments turned condominiums, so all the water lines are connected to multiple units. I took the morning off of work, informed my neighbors that the water would be shut off from 8:30-11:00 to facilitate repairs, and waited for the handyman. After working on the problem for a few minutes, he realized he needed more parts. By 10:45 he was on his way to The Home Depot for the second time to pick up another part. At 11:10, I was sitting in my living room and the next thing I know I hear "GUUUUUUUUUUUUSHHHHHHHHHHHHH" realizing that someone had turned the water back on (mind you, the handyman had left the pipes open...) I RUN out side, and yell "TURN THE WATER OFF!!", and see the handyman yelling at my neighbor, who is absolutely beside himself that it's 11:10 and the water isn't back on yet. The handyman runs back into my house and begins his repairs, leaving me outside to battle it out with my extremely irate neighbor. Having dealt with my fair share of irate customers at work, I tried all the usual tactics to calm him down, but nothing was working...so I started yelling, too. By this time he was cursing at me, so I walked away as he yelled "I'm going to get my mail, and this water HAD BETTER be back on by the time I get back!" (Mind you, the mailboxes are about a 30 second walk away). I frantically call my friend, Michael, and plead for him to come rescue me, which he does.

About a minute later I hear Mr. Uptight Neighbor pound on my front door, and when I open it he yells: "TELL YOUR PLUMBER THAT HE'S A ****ING *****!" Well, Mr. Plumber hears this, and yells back, using a few choice words himself, and I'm thinking "What the **** did I get myself into?!" Handyman finished the job, we turn the water back on, Michael gets there and calms me down, we mop up my flooded kitchen, and all is well.

Some adventure, eh? And I have so much more to look forward to. Michael and I agreed that on my last day of living here, I'm going to shut the water off when I leave. Yeah, that'll show 'em. :)

Anyway...right now I'm painting my bedroom, the living room, the hallway, and my kitchen. Here are some before pictures, and I'll post more as the progress continues. More to come!

P.S. THE OFFICE! Gas station proposal! Let me know your thoughts!!! It was an amazing episode, no doubt.

It's My Year!

2008-08-05T21:25:00.003-07:00

It is the eve of my 23rd birthday, and I have a lot on my mind. I decided a little while ago that 23 was going to be my year. Change is in the air, and I can’t wait begin my new journeys. Rather than list all the things I want to accomplish, I’ll just write. That’s what blogs are all about, right?

Weight loss! I’m slacking! I need help! Two weeks ago I enrolled in a weight loss psychology class, and have learned a lot about myself and my habits in this short time. I’m very optimistic and am looking forward to getting back on track. Any help, suggestions, and comments would be much appreciated!

I want to get married. Yep. I’m going to be that blunt about it. I want marital bliss…and unbliss. This means I have to date…a heck of a lot more than I’m doing right now. Last year I had a goal to go on 12 dates (which would have over quadrupled the number I had been on my entire life), and I think I went on 6? It’s a start, but not quite what I’m looking for. 24 dates. That’s my goal. That’s two dates a month…a date every other weekend. That’s feasible, right? Check.

Malena will now be known as a social butterfly. I want to become more social, and need to find ways to do so. I’ve become slightly more social in the last few months, and am really enjoying getting to know new people and make more friends. Lets hope this can continue!

I love my job, but it’s dead end. I’ve tried three times within the last 6 months to advance, to no avail. I want to use the skills and dedication I have to be the best employee I can be, and am trying everything in my power to do so. If it means finding a new job, then so be it. I’ve been at my job for 4 years now, and I don’t want to leave, but I also want to progress, personally. Big career changes are coming this year.

Despite all the changes I am in the process of making, there is one thing I am very proud of having accomplished recently. I’m a homeowner! Okay…I’m closing on the 15th, but it’s basically mine. I found a STEAL, and am so excited to move in! I’ll be posting pictures as I remodel. Look out, handywoman on the loose!

Tomorrow is going to be a great day! 23 is going to be a great year!

P.S. Happy Birthday to my cousin Melanie tomorrow, too! :)

Blog song:
Lost-Michael Buble’…’cause I’m definitely not lost!

Please Be Patient!

2008-07-26T17:31:00.005-07:00

New blog coming soon. It's been a hectic month! I have big house news and big weight news...I'm just not sure how I'm going to write it all. Please be patient as I write, and check back soon!

In the mean time, check out this HILARIOUS Office video! It's not true, and everything has been completely taken out of context, but it made me laugh harder than I ever have before. Well, maybe not EVER.

Whoever made this is WAY too creative.

.4 away from a double quinceanera!

2008-06-23T20:41:00.007-07:00

Hopefully the title makes sense...ya know, 15=a quinceanera, and I've lost 29.6 pounds, so it's a double quinceanera! Okay, bad joke.

Yes, friends, not only is Malena a bad blogger-updater, but she has now lost 29.6 pounds!!! Holy crap! Am I forgiven for not updating my blog, Cade?

Here's the most recent picture of me, taken about 3 weeks ago (with my killer new haircut and my new favorite [smaller] shirt!):

Close up of the new DO:

And, a picture of my nephew, because he's ADORABLE:

Anywho, in other news, I'm trying to buy a condo! Trying, as in I can't really find one. I've been paying rent for 5 years now, and I'm ready for my own place. I'm all set to buy, but the condos I like already have offers made on them, and are therefore slightly unavailable. One of the complexes that I'm considering is right across the street from my aunt AnnaMarie (cross streets are Dobson/Broadway). It's so close to my work (about 3.5 miles-hello biking!), and right by family. The housing market in the Phoenix area pretty much crashed a few months ago, so now is the perfect time to buy. I'll keep you all updated!

Song of the blog:

Rascal Flatts-"Shine On"

Shine on, my friends. Shine on.

24 Bikes

2008-06-02T20:01:00.011-07:00

I think I will call this blog ‘24 bikes‘. Did you see the movie ‘27 Dresses’? Well, this blog has nothing to do with that movie (great movie, by the way), but the title ‘24 bikes’ sounds cool. Basically, I have two topics for this update, so I need to combine them into one blog. Are you following me? Here goes.

Part Uno:
24 is the magic number! I have lost 24 pounds as of 2 weeks ago. I didn’t get a chance to weigh in this week, because I was in Utah. Maybe in 3 weeks you’ll get to find out how much I lost this week, but for now, 24 is my new best friend.

I’ve never seen the show ‘24’, but the logo is fitting for this part of the blog. Moving on!

Part Zwei;
I bought a bike! He is my old-new best friend. I LOVE him! I don’t know why I decided to buy a bike, or call ‘it’ a ‘he’ for that matter, but I’m sure glad I did. I am lucky to have some friends who are willing to bike with me, and I have enjoyed going on long bike rides with them every week. I say ‘enjoyed’ because I live in Arizona, and biking in our current weather is like a death wish. For the first few weeks I had the bike, I rode to work a few times (hello…12.02 miles!), and went on long bike rides almost every night. I wish I could continue to bike daily, but it’s not really possible. I’m anxiously looking forward to the cooler weather (in 6 months), so I can REALLY get into biking. I took my bike to Utah with me last week, and enjoyed riding it in the canyon and around the neighborhood.

When I told my dietician the amount of exercise I was doing with my bike, she just about died. I guess people my ‘size’ aren’t able to do that much exercise, and the fact that I was doing it, willingly, really surprised her. She commended my new hobby, and I am quite pleased with that.

Wow, did I really just make that whole paragraph into one sentence? Sharla, don’t kill me!

Any who, thanks for checking up on me, and thanks for your comments.

Until next time, I leave you with a very appropriate song for this blog.

‘24’ by Switchfoot. Funny video, too.

My favorite line: “I’m not coping out.” Darn right.

Coming Soon...

2008-05-25T18:49:00.002-07:00

This blog entry it to let you know of a blog entry which is upcoming, but not yet completed.

Thanks to my faithful, and oh-so devoted readers (*cough*cademelaniesharla*cough*), I have been warned that if I don't update my blog, I will be disowned from the family...seriously.

Here's to family threats!

Malena

Dieting, The Book of Mormon, the Gospel, Prayer, etc...

2008-05-02T01:12:00.002-07:00

About six months ago something happened to me. I’m not entirely sure what, but it helped me completely turn my life around. I never did anything bad, I just wasn’t doing anything good. I think it started with a book: Standing For Something by Gordon B Hinckley (go read it, if you haven’t.). I like reading church books, but I haven’t ever really applied them. For some reason, I felt compelled to apply what I was learning in this book. Slowly, my life started to change. The changes were gradual and small, but I find myself today, looking back in amazement at everything that has changed. I first began to give service. Not huge life-changing service, but the small stuff that makes someone smile, or have a better day. I also started to pray…for real. After I had the praying down, I started to read The Book of Mormon (again, go read it if you haven’t). Today, six months later, I continue to give service, I have real prayers everyday, I’m just wrapping up with Mosiah in The Book of Mormon, I’ve become 50 times more social, I’ve lost weight (and still continue to), etc…

My reason for mentioning the things above is to explain why I’ve been able to lose weight. My hope is that someone can read this blog, become inspired and motivated, and begin their own journey. There are so many things I am doing differently with my current weight loss endeavor, and those things have made all the difference. I believe that I at where I am today because of the things that I have done personally to prepare for this journey. When I began reading The Book of Mormon and praying, I had no intentions of losing weight (even though I knew I needed to), in fact, it was pretty much the furthest thing from my mind at that time. As my relationship with my Heavenly Father grew, so did my desire to change several things in my life. One thing I’ve always wanted to do was to become more social, and with the help of wonderful roommates and friends, I now attend all the church activities I can, and I actually talk to other people. I try to sit with people I don’t know at church, and I frequently invite people over to the house (mainly to watch The Office… :). Weight loss just came along as a side thought one day, and without hesitation, I decided that was the direction I needed to go. The things that I started to learn about myself, and about my habits were so profound, that I decided to document it. Hence, the birth of a new blogger.

Every night I pray for strength with several things. I recognize that I can’t make any progress without the help of my Heavenly Father, and so I ask him to help me with specific things I struggle with. I used to have terrible cravings, and now I find those same things repulsive. I was just reading a talk from October 2007 General Conference by Elder Bruce D. Porter titled A Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit. I line in that talk really stuck out to me: “When we yield our hearts to the Lord, the attractions of the world simply lost their luster.” I’m sure this statement can apply to several different things, but I felt like it really applied to my situation. I am praying to the Lord to help with my cravings, and now those things I used to crave have simply lost their luster. Amazing, eh?

I find that when I am reading The Book of Mormon, I come across verses that really stick out. It’s almost like they were put in there to help me, because they really have. Here are a few of my favorites:

2 Nephi 32:9 “But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.”
Jacob 3:1 “But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions…”
Jacob 3:11 “O my brethren, hearken unto my words; arouse the faculties of your souls; shake yourselves that ye may awake from the slumber of death; and loose yourselves from the pains of hell that ye may not become angels to the devil, to be cast into that lake of fire and brimstone which is the second death.”
Mosiah 10:11 What not to do: “Now, the Lamanites knew nothing concerning the Lord, nor the strength of the Lord, therefore they depended upon their own strength. Yet they were a strong people, as to the strength of men.”
Enos 1:15 “…I cried unto him continually, for he had said unto me: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it.”

Now, I know that some of the scriptures might warrant an explanation, and that is something I will provide upon request. Each of these scriptures spoke to me at a certain point in my journey, and they aided in allowing me to overcome some type of obstacle. There are so many things pertaining to the Gospel that have helped me, and I wish I could list them all, but I’m afraid this blog would be never ending.

In closing, I am grateful for the trials I have faced in my life, they have only served to make me stronger. I know that if I’m looking for help with things in my life, I make sure that I have the important things in my life in order, and the help will come. It may not be in a way I want, or in a way I initially recognize, but it always comes. Again, I did not begin these small changes in my life with the hope of greater things coming about, but they did, and for that I am very grateful. It’s been six glorious months, and I’m in this for the eternal haul (if you will). I’ve lost 20.6 pounds so far and I’m loving life.

The best Office episode EVER!

2008-04-19T10:52:00.003-07:00

Yeah, Thursday night was the best night EVER. Here is why:

I'm so giddy, I'm making myself sick.

Here's another clip, from the second best episode ever. This takes place before the previous clip. Enjoy!

P.S. I bought a bike! More on that next time!

:) <----That's me-VERY HAPPY!

2008-04-14T21:02:00.010-07:00

Sorry for the delay in updates. I've decided to post my 'Dieting & The Book of Mormon' blog later, as I can't seem to get the final draft just right. Stay tuned!

Lets see...where to begin. I lost a slightly disappointing 1 pound two weeks ago, but this last week was AMAZING! More on that later... :)

I went to Utah for conference last week, and got to spend some quality time with my family, including Lindsay and Natalie, who live in Oregon and Oklahoma, respectively. It was a much needed vacation (of sorts) and I was very happy to see my family, whom I miss immensely. I was lucky enough to travel with some good friends from my ward, and we had a really good time...all 24 hours in the car together. None of them had been to conference before, and one of them was just baptized in February, so it was nice to be able to be with them for their first live conference experience. Here are some pics:

Clark, Jason, and Danielle outside of the conference center

Danielle, Jason, Clark, and me!

I wasn't sure if I'd lose any weight while in Utah, but when I got back, lo and behold, I lost 5 POUNDS...or as my roommate, Lindsey says "That's as much as a premature baby!" This brings my total of weight loss to 20.2 POUNDS! YIPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Here are some pictures of me, after 15.2 pounds of weight loss. Can you tell the difference?

Me and my sisters!

My friend Lamar, and I at a Phoenix Coyotes hockey game

I'm feeling good, things are going great, and I'm excited for my progress!

On an unrelated note...Is everyone as excited as I am that The Office is back on?! My life has had a void in it for the last 5 months, and now I feel complete. The Office is the greatest. Go watch it. I'm watching it as we speak!

Thanks for reading, and come back soon!

Questions!

2008-04-01T22:10:00.005-07:00

I'm fairly new to this whole blogging thing...so I'm wondering how I can add a list to my blog of other bloggers blogs. Wow, that's kind of fun to say...

Also, obviously this layout is a generic one, how do I make the layout my own? Melanie-I especially like yours. How do I do that?

Any other cool things you guys can help me with to add to my blog would be much appreciated!

Thanks for your help fellow bloggers!

P.S. Here is the picture of the stapler in Jello, as requested by Aunt Ellen.

Some pre-"diet" photos

2008-03-28T08:08:00.005-07:00

I wanted to post some 'before' pictures, so I can show my progress. These pictures aren't exactly easy for me to look at...but it makes me feel GREAT to know that I don't really look like this anymore. Enjoy!
P.S.-Stay tuned...I have a really good blog that I'm in the process of writing. It's called "Dieting & The Book of Mormon". Oh yeah, be excited.

At work after the Stapler in Jello prank that was played on me

My roommates

Pretending to be my boss on Halloween

With my rommate, Aubrie, at the Mesa Temple lights for Christmas

At the beach in Ft. Lauderdale (right before the cruise!)

Still going strong!

2008-03-23T10:43:00.002-07:00

Wow...sorry about the lack of updates! The last few weeks have been H-E-C-T-I-C. Hopefully everything will calm down this week and I can get back to posting weekly blogs.

Since I've been gone, I have lost a total of 13 pounds (-1.2 pounds every week). I AM SO HAPPY! I went to San Francisco a few weeks ago for the weekend and still managed to lose weight that week...maybe because we walked everywhere. A few weeks ago I bought a new pair of pants that are a size smaller than I have worn, and not only did they fit, but the are ALREADY too big. Who knew?!

I met with my counselor for the 4th time last week and he basically told me that I don't need to be meeting with him anymore, because I'm already doing everything right. I never thought I'd hear that...I told him that I wanted to keep meeting with him, just in case. I have my second appointment with my dietician on April 1, and I will give updates on how that goes.

Thank you to everyone for your emails and comments. I appreciate them all!

Motivational quote of the week:

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement.

Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."

-Helen Keller

Back on track

2008-03-03T17:57:00.003-07:00

I am happy to announce-I lost ANOTHER 2 pounds this week. I am now 9.4 pounds less of myself. I am so happy! At church yesterday I had someone tell me I was 'glowing'. Maybe that is somehow tied into Cade's comment about me getting pregnant so I can lose weight chasing after my kid. Ha! I'm sorry to tell you Cade, I won't be getting married and pregnant anytime soon. Wow...I hope my mom isn't reading this. She's probably sorely confused.

Now that I pretty much have the first 10 pounds out of the way, I'm focusing on long term. I've proven to myself that I can lose the weight and now I need to work on keeping my motivation and determination. This is why I have failed in the past. I'm gung-ho about losing weight, but then I lose willpower, my cravings control me....yada yada yada. I know I have things in place to help me with this problem, but any help you guys can give me would be greatly appreciated. My counselor suggested I have people check up on me in a month or so. My gung-ho weight loss cycles last about 2-3 months, which means in the middle of March or April I might be running into some problems. If you feel so inclined, please shoot me an email (I'll list all my contact info below), a phone call, letter, etc. in the coming weeks to help me with this upcoming obstacle. I'm not anticipating any problems, but I know things happen, and live throws you for a loop. I'm more motivated now than I was when I started this journey, and that is something that has never happened. Thanks for the support!

Contact info:
(480) 221-8979 cell
malena_anderson@yahoo.com
As for my address-send me an email, text, or call and I'll send it to you. I don't really want to post it publicly online.

Motivational song for the week:
"Right Now" by Van Halen (good lyrics!)